If Your Such a Genius Why Can't You Understand Me?
by Derp.Me
Summary: Artemis and Holly team up yet again! Opal's escaped from prison, and for some ODD reason has her magicalpowers back! ::le gasp:: and, there's someone new added to the stew a spunky teenage girl, Tessa Rose, who has absoloutly NO intention of doing as her
1. Unfortunate News

Hi. I'm Tessa Rose, sole heiress to the Rose Empire. My best friend is my bodyguard, Saraphina Kahn. She goes everywhere with me, and saves me from my many disasters. But this time she can't save me. This time I have nothing to do but obey. Well there's that, or complain like a two year old.

* * *

**"I REFUSE TO BE MARRIED TO THAT JERK!!!!!"**

* * *

By the way, did I mention I'm about to be married?

* * *

I was in the back of my parent's new limo, screaming my 16 year old lungs out.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!" I shouted furious that they would do this.

"Tessa dear, I am afraid you don't have much choice in the matter. It was decided at your births, and it will happen whether you would like it to or not." My mother said gazing carelessly at her fingernails.

"I hate you." I hissed, and she merely patted the top of my head." Yes dear, I know. I love you too." she said, and pressed the intercom button. "Joseph, please hurry. Tessa is to be at the airport in 10 mere minutes." she said, giving instructions to the driver.

Allow me to explain my _wonderful_ predicament. It's my 16th birthday today, and I thought I'd have a GREAT day. Hey, it's my sweet 16, who wouldn't think that. But I should have known something would happen, I guess I did. But no gut feeling would have been enough to prepare me for this shock. You see, around lunch I was called to the parlour by my parents. I had hoped they were going to give me a present or something, but I had no such luck.

"Tessa my girl, your Mother and I have something important we'd like to tell you." My dad had said with a smile.

This is it! They got me a car, didn't they? Ooh or maybe its tickets to Josh Turner!!!! I thought excitedly.

"You are." my dad had started

"Getting married." finished my mother.

"**MARRIED**?!!!!" I had screamed, standing up. My face was pale. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRIED?!!!!!"

My brain had been having a hard time processing this all. Oh, and the finishing each other's sentences thing? Not helping.

* * *

**Fowl Manor, Dublin, Ireland  
**

* * *

"Arty Dear, come to the lounge!" his mother called, her crystal voice ringing through the hall. Artemis looked up from his communicator. "Coming!" he replied, and turned back to the electronic device. "Sorry again Holly, I guess we'll have to continue this later. I'll have full results by then." he said, and the red headed elf rolled her eyes, scowling. "Hurry up then." she said, and closed the link. Artemis put it away, and walked into the lounge where his parents sat, looking as happy as ever." We have a visitor coming. She is a very special visitor, one that will change your life, and future." His mother giggled, and he sat down across from them. "Do I know this visitor?" he asked, and his mother burst out in giddy giggles again. "You shall know her soon Arty-boy." his father said, smiling.

'_What are these two talking about...no...No...No...'_ he thought, his eyes widening.

"What's going on?" he demanded, and his father stood up. "Artemis, when you were born it was arranged that you and Cole's soon to be born daughter would be wed. It was a very important promise, which I intend to keep." He explained, and Angeline stood up and hugged him. "Ooh My baby boy is getting married!!!!" she said happily, crying with joy.

"I'm getting...married???" he murmured, and pulled away from his mother.

"To whom?" he asked "Do I know them...well...her?"

"Well yes, you did meet her. When you were 3, again when you turned 5, and again when you were 10." His mother explained. "You do remember her don't you? Tessa Rose." she said, and Artemis racked the memory part of his large brain.

_'Goblins, No. Opal Koboi, No. Holly, No. Taking gold from the fairies, No...OH!!!!' _He thought, hitting a memory.

_"Arty, this is Tessa, remember her?" His mother smiled, and pushed a timid young girl towards him. Artemis eyed her up and down, and returned to the personal disc-man he was taking apart. "Now play nice you two." His mother said, and walked out._

_"What are you doing?" She asked, her voice hardly audible.  
"Nothing you would ever comprehend. Stop bothering me." He muttered.  
"I-I was only a-asking-"  
"Yes, well there's really no point in asking when you won't understand. But do you truly wish for me to explain? Fine. I shall."  
"B-But-"  
"I'm reconfiguring the structure of the laser disk reader into that of a true laser. One that will be strong enough to cut through three inches of solid steel, the exact amount of the safe door that's holding my tools that my father confiscated."  
"Re-configuring…but that's wrong! And impossible!"  
He smirked and raised one black eyebrow, holding up the disc-man. He pressed one slender finger onto the play button, chuckling as a beam of energy shot past her ear, singing her hair. She cried out in pain and fell onto her rear end. "Hey!"  
"Impossible? Is it really…?"  
"Fat-headed pig-boy!"_

'_Oh...her.'_ he thought.

"Well Arty, I'm sure you need time to prepare. She will be arriving soon." his parents said, and walked out.

"Tessa huh?" Artemis said. _'This isn't going to end well…' _He could see the disaster now…

* * *

Well. It's official. I'm going to commit suicide on a plane. My parents loaded me onto a plain set for Dublin Ireland, and sent Kahn along with me. Thank god for that. Now I'll have someone to deliver my last will!

"Kahn save me." I moaned, and Kahn patted my back supportively. "I'm afraid I can't do that Tessa. This is one mess I can't get you out of." She said, and I bashed my head against the window. "This is stupid." I muttered, and closed my eyes._ 'Isn't there some kind of law against forcing your kids to get married?! What ever happened to true love, and-and finding your soul mate! Call me a hopeless romantic, but aren't those supposed to mean…some…thing…?' _my thoughts trailed off with a snore.

A LONG time later, I was awoken by 'gentle' shaking from Kahn. "Tessa we're at the airport. We've just landed. Wake up." she said, and I opened an eye. "They better have a bed at this stupid manor." I mumbled, and shuffled off the private jet. Hey, my parents are rich. It's not my fault.

Kahn and I walked into the terminal, looking for the idiot's bodyguard, Butler. We had a picture of him, and by the looks of it, he wouldn't be that hard to find. Finally after about 10 minutes we spotted his cleanly shaven head and his bulky form and walked over. I decided it's be better to make a friend out of him rather than an enemy. Especially seeing as he looked as if he could snap me like a twig. "Um, are you Butler?" I asked politely, and he nodded. "Yes, you must be Tessa, pleased to meet you." He said. I smiled. "Pleasure's all mine." I said, extending my hand. He shook it, and pointed to a Bentley Red Tag sitting outside. "Come, I'll escort you to the Manor. "he said, and led us outside.

Leaning against the car was a boy about my age with messy, yet still neat, black hair which hung in his eyes, which were closed. His arms, which were folded over his chest, were thin. He didn't look as if he got much physical exercise, or got outside much, for that matter.

_You think he's hot don't you_

Shut up you.

_You like him _

Shut up brain, I don't need your garbage.

_haha _

I shook my head as the dude looked up, his crystal blue eyes staring at me. And that's when it hit me.

"Hello, My name is Artemis Fowl. Pleased to meet yo-"

And right around there was when it hit him. My fist, I mean.


	2. Even WORSE News

"Tessa!!" Kahn exclaimed, grabbing me by the shoulders and pulling me away from him. Artemis's hand went up to his nose, which was trickling blood. "Tessa, why did you do that?!" she asked me, and I ignored her, placed my suitcase in the trunk, then clambered into the back of the truck. Through the window I could see Kahn apologising to Butler, who was attempting to stop Artemis's newly-acquired nose-bleed. Not that I cared. I pulled my book 'The Lightning Thief' from my carry-on bag, and began to read. Eventually Artemis clambered in, but I paid him no mind, preferring to read about Percy and Grover, who by the way were much more fascinating.

We drove a long ways, Kahn finally giving up trying to talk to me and staying silent, until Butler struck up a conversation with her. The two got along quite well. They both had been trained by Madame Ko, and actually knew each other from back then.

'Well this sucks. I have no one to talk to'

_that's entirely your own fault, you know that right?_

'Shut up. stop making sense.'

_Talk to hottie over there_  
'He is SO not a hottie.'

_and yet, you knew who I was talking about_

'I hate you.'  
_just talk to him._  
'Bite me.'  
_I can't I'm you remember_  
'figure of speech. And I refuse to talk to him.'  
_it doesn't matter anyway_  
'why not?'  
_Because we're here_

I stopped my conversation with myself, and gawked out the window. Outside was a beautiful house, with a nice green lawn, with LOADS of features. I could hardly name them all. We loaded out of the car, and entered the house, where we were greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Fowl.

"Ooh, Tessa dear, you haven't changed a bit!" Mrs. Fowl cooed, and I forced a smile. "hi..." I said, making myself sound glad to be here. Mr Fowl walked up to me and shook my hand. "Pleasure to see you again Ms.Tessa." he said. I smiled. At least he wasn't a jerk. Not like one Artemis Fowl I could mention.

I was led -scratch that- dragged up the stairs to 'my' room, where they left me to un-pack my bags. It was a pretty nice room. Much bigger than the one I had at home. And much nicer. The walls were white with oak trim, and a large white Victorian-style bed stood in the center of the room, right by the extremely large balcony doors. The hardwood floor shone like gold as I walked across it and tentatively set my bag down on the large white duvet, staring at the large, fluffy, white pillows arranged perfectly at the head of the bed.

Note to self. Ask to keep these pillows

_note to stupid self. You have no choice. You're getting married, remember_

Kill joy.

With my happiness crushed, I looked at my luggage. I had only brought 2 bags, more than enough considering their size, yet I had a sickening feeling my mother sent more ahead of me. I peeked in the closet and found my ENTIRE wardrobe, with WAY more dresses than I originally thought I had.

I wonder where those came from.

Not.

I sighed, and walked out onto the balcony. It had a great view, over looking the pond out front where peacocks strutted around. It was pretty, but truthfully, Peacocks scare me. I leant my head against the railing, and closed my eyes, smacking my forehead gently on the concrete. "This sucks." I muttered, and went to work putting away the clothes in my bags. About half way through, however, I looked around the room and was distracted. There was another door, one that wasn't my closet, I walked over and peeked inside, and what I saw made my jaw hit the floor. The bathroom that adjoined my room was AMAZING! It had white marble floors, and the counter-tops were made of the same things. The sink was white porcelain (I thought) and the taps looked like they were made of pure gold! I looked to the tub and nearly fainted on the spot. It was one of those really deep ones with the paws to hold it up. I bet you I could have fit a…a…a sheep, in there with me!

…I'm beginning to think this won't be that bad

* * *

Holly's House, Haven City, Lower Elements

* * *

"Mulch get your smelly butt in here." Holly barked, and Mulch burped, walking into the room  
"This better be important, I was busy." he said, and Holly snorted.  
"Doing what? Picking at your toenails?" she said sarcastically, and cut him off before he could answer. "It's important, don't worry" she reassured him "A jewellery theft. The LEP were on it at first, but they've turned up squat. The Museum it was stolen from called us. I'm going over there now. You coming?" she said, and Mulch nodded. "Sure, my toes can wait." he chuckled, and waddled out of the room, scratching his butt. Holly gagged, and pulled on her jacket. Mulch returned, eating something that Holly didn't want to know what it was. "Move faster dwarf, we have to get there pronto." she said, and walked out to her vehicle, sitting in the drivers seat. Mulch got in, and they were off.

* * *

Fowl Manor, Ireland

* * *

Artemis sat on his bed flipping open the vibrating communicator. "Hello." he said, and Holly's face appeared on the screen. "We have another case here mud boy." she said, and Artemis sighed. "You really don't ever call just to say Hi, do you?" he asked, and Holly laughed. "No, sorry. Besides, it's not like your doing anything important. You don't steal stuff anymore, remember." she said, and Artemis laughed. Shows what she knew.  
"Your right, although unfortunately there is something going on, but it can wait, what's your problem?" he asked, leaning back. "Jewellery theft." she said, and Artemis nodded. "Catching the thief? or just finding the jewellery?" he asked  
"The last one. Foaly is trying to get Sool to hire us to find the thief too, but..." she trailed off and Artemis nodded, understanding completely. 

"So, did you find anything at her house?" he asked, and Holly shook her head. "No, nothing. And without Foaly's gadgets we can't see anything beyond the naked eye. Although...Don't you still have some of those old LEP helmets at your house?" she asked, and Artemis smiled." You read my mind Holly. Be right back." he said, and sped out of the room.

I don't know how long it was I stared at the bathroom, but eventually I got back to unpacking. When I was finished, I stood up and stretched, shuddering at the sound of my spine popping. "I hate unpacking." I yawned, and stuck my head out the door. "Guess I'll go for a walk." I said, and walked down the hall. The soft rug felt good under my bare feet. I heard footsteps behind me and looked just in time to see Artemis rush past. I fell to the floor, but he didn't seem to notice and continued running down the hall. My blood boiled, and I stood up. "What's his hurry?" I asked myself, and looked back at his room. The door was wide open.

_Don't do it_

'shut up'

_Tessa, don't do it! _

'I'm not listening...'

I crept into his room, looking around. "Yeesh, this guy needs some light in here. What is he? A vampire?" I mumbled, and flicked on the light switch. "Artemis? Is that you?" a voice asked, and I spun around. "Woah. Where'd that come from?" I exclaimed, and spotted a white glow on the bed. I peeked over and saw a weird computer thingy. "What's this?" I muttered, and picked it up.  
"Who are you mud girl?" the face snapped.  
"Woah, this is odd..." I said, ignoring the comment. "Hmmm..." I muttered, and flipped it over. "Cool, a communicator." I said, and flipped it back over. "So who're you? Artemis's girl friend?" I asked hopefully, and the girl's face went white. "Who, me? And the Mud Boy? Yuck." She said, and my face fell. "Dang..." I muttered.  
"And who're you? Last I checked, Artemis didn't have any sisters." She said, "Are you his girlfriend?" she said, cocking one brow. I nearly barfed. "As if. Unless being forced to marry him counts" I muttered under my breath so she couldn't hear. "Pardon?" she asked, and I shook my head. "Nope. Thank god too." I laughed, and she shrugged. "Mud boy's gonna skin you if he finds you." she said, and I shrugged "So. oh and I have a question to ask you."  
"Shoot."  
"Your ears. Prosthetic or real?" I asked, and she froze.  
"..." She didn't answer me.  
"Helloo, did you even hear me?" I said, and she blinked.  
"Oh! Prosthetic." She was a good liar…well, not really. I thought about it for a second, but eventually I finally clued in. "Wow. They're real...COOL!!!!" I said, and her eyes widened. "Huh? What? NO!!! They're fake!" she tried, but I didn't fall for it.  
"No human could have ears like that. And no human could even MAKE ears like that." I thought out loud, eyeing her face. It was whiter than snow. "What are you?" I asked, and she gulped.  
"Okay Holly, I got the hel..." Artemis stopped. "Tessa. Hi. What're you doing in my room. And why are you using that." He said cooly, and stared at me.  
"1, I'm using your communicator thingy, and 2, because the elf lady interests me. She's fun to talk to." I said with a shrug, and he snatched it away. "Get out."  
"Bite me."  
"Get out PLEASE."  
"If you want me to get out, you'll have to carry me. And Artemis hon, you couldn't carry a toothpick that far." I said, smiling innocently. He stared at me, put down the communicator, and lifted me off the bed. "ACK!!!!!!" I cried, and clung to his neck. Since when was he this strong?! He lifted me up like I was a twig!

* * *

Enter: Artemis

* * *

Tessa struggled against me, and it made me glad that I had agreed to take that training from Butler. "Stop squirming and get out of my room." I said and attempted to drop her out of my room. It didn't work. She flipped herself over my shoulder, and landed on her butt on the floor.  
"Look, just because your my fiancée, DOESN'T mean your allowed in here!" I said, and she stuck her tongue out at me. "Bleh. Who said I wanted to be engaged to you?! This is all our parents doing!" she said standing up. 

"Fiancée? Engaged? Woah Artemis, what's going on?" Holly's voice asked, and we froze. "Er...ah...um...uh..." we stammered, Tessa's face rapidly turning scarlet. "I uhh...gotta go...see Kahn." She said, and shot out of the room. I felt my face returning to normal, and picked up the communicator. "Artemis, what have you done now?" Holly asked, and Artemis scowled. "Nothing, now do you want my help or not." I snapped, and Holly held up her hands."Okay. I'm dropping it. Now, about hose helmets."  
I held them up, and she smiled. I'll send you a video feed now. I'll call back tomorrow to see what you figured out." she said, and I nodded, plugging in the communicator to my laptop. In a few short seconds it beeped, and I took it out. "Bye Holly." I said, and shut it off.

* * *

I sat on my bed, throwing a rubber ball I had brought at the wall. 

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." I said each time it hit the wall.

'Ugh I hate Artemis'

_but you admit, he's hot_

'Shut up.'

_just admit it and I'll leave you alone._

'Bite me'

_fine. be that way_

I turned at a sound at my door, and saw Mrs.Fowl. "oh...Hi..." I said, and she smiled. "Tessa, may I talk to you?" she asked, and I nodded. "Sure Mrs. Fowl, what is it?"

She laughed, "Well for starters, you can call me Angeline."

I smiled" Okay, that'll be alot easier on my tongue."

"And secondly...I know that you don't like this arrangement, but Arty isn't all that bad. He's really a sweet boy, and lovely to talk to. And once you get to know him it won't be so bad." she said, and I looked down." I have no intention of getting to know him." I said, before realising that I had just put down this woman's son. "oh, uh, I didn't mean tha-"  
She smiled softly. "No, I know you did. This really must be hard on you. To tell you the truth, your father and Timmy made that arrangement after a large celebration. They were drunk, at the time." I stared. My father? Drunk? Now THAT was something I wasn't expecting.  
"But you see, it would be a lovely match." She smiled. "and Arty…he doesn't get out much. And he doesn't usually make many friends…" She looked down sadly, as if it were her that was the complete dork, and not her son. I winced inside, feeling guilty for putting him down in front of her. "Also, it's all legal. There's nothing we can do to stop it. So..I kind of…took the liberty of setting up a date for you and Artemis." I snapped my eyes up to hers. "What?" I asked, my jaw dropping. "I would have asked you but it was so sudden when the idea came, so I just arranged it, I hope you don't mind!"

'Mind?! Of course I mind!! I am not going on a date with that slimy, wimpy, egotistical jerk!'

"Oh, uh…Not at all!" I forced a smile.

"Oh yay! You'll be going out for supper at that new restaurant that just opened up in town. Be ready by seven!" She literally danced out of the room, running off to tell Artemis the GREAT news!

…I think I'm going to be sick.


	3. My head hurts

We stared at the figures in front of us (Well I did mainly) In disbelief.

What was going on.

"Tessa quick get an acorn!" Artemis ordered and I nodded.

Hey, he's the genius here, not me.

So, I got the acorn and handed it to him. "I hope this works..." he whispered, and, after wrapping her fingers around it, He plunged it and Holly's hand into the soil. He muttered something and blue sparks began scurrying around. He smiled, and gave a cry of joy, and hugged me tightly as Holly began shaking. We watched closely, and when her eyelids fluttered open, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. "Well detective Short, exactly what have you gotten yourself into?" Artemis asked, a worried look on his face. Holly coughed, and rolled over to the thing.  
"Mulch, get up. Mulch. MULCH!!!" she screamed, shaking him. She rolled him over to see if he was breathing and heard...

snores.

She frose, her right arm twitching, and reaching for his neck. We stopped it before it got there.

"Holly, tell me what's going on!" Artemis said, shaking her shoulders."Not here. We need to talk somewhere private." she said, and Artemis nodded."Come on Tessa, we're going back home. Fast." he said, and picked up Mulch(with Holly's help) and they took off for the Manor. I ran behind, very confused.

Fowl Manor, 4 hours later.

Most of this time was spent explaining everything to me. Holly was reluctant at first, but Butler convinced her I was trustworthy. It was funny, considering he didn't know me. Kahn was allowed to listen too. So they explained. From Artemis kidnapping her, to the goblin rebellion, to the C-Cube, to defeating Opal Koboi. It was like I had a bunch of goo shoved in my head. I even learned how to speak and read Gnommish, which helped Holly explain things much easier.

"So, let me get this straight." I said, rubbing my sore head."This Koboi chick, she's escaped? But she's completely useless. Basically totally human.And you want US to find her?"

"yes." Holly said

"...I see...But how will we know if it's her?"

"Artemis is handling the plan." Butler said, and nodded at the closed door."Meanwhile, you should try and get some sleep. All of you. It's been a full day for everyone." he ordered, and shepherded me into my room.

"2 weeks ago Opal Koboi escaped from maximum security prison, up to above ground. She was last headed for the multi billionair Watson Fiix's home. That's here in Ireland. So far Foaly has been able to narrow down the places she may be, and it's between St.Bartleby's school for young ladies, and a Catholic School about 17 miles from here. Both all girls.We need to find her before she doesn something insane, like try to make humans have contact with the Fairy people."

I curled up in my bed, and stared at the ceiling.

My head is pounding...It feels like someone just crammed a bunch of clay in my ears.

_well considering you just learned a whole new language, plus four years of information in about... 3 hours, your pretty fine by the looks of it_

I hate your sarcasm

_your not supposed to hate yourself_

Who cares I'm going to sleep.

I rolled over onto my side, and buried my head into the fluffy pillow, and fell asleep.


	4. I hate this plan I truly do

"I won't do it"  
"Oh come on! Your the one who made the plan!"  
"I presumed that Holly owuld do it."  
"Well Holly's too short, and besides, we can't exactly hide her ears."  
"I refuse to do it"  
"Okay then, who else do we have to do it?"  
"Make Mulch do it!"

I looked at him sarcastically."Oh yes,Let's send mr.smelly"  
"Okay, it's settled, Mulch can do it!!"  
"ARTEMIS I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T DO IT WILLINGLY I'LL SUPER GLUE THE DAMN THING TO YOU!!!"  
"TRY IT!!!"

Here's the good news. Artemis had come up with a plan.Bad news, he refused to go along with the changes we had made. 

Here was his SIMPLE but effective plan. Send someone to one of the schools, and send the other person to the other one. SImple right? Wrong.He forgot that HOlly would stand out. Alot

SO, we had to use someone else. Someone who wouldn't screw up. Someone 16. Hmmmmm, I wonder who we chose.

"I WILL NOT DRESS UP AS A GIRL!!!!"

So, here we are, about three hours later, rolling on the floor, attempting to kill one another. Not happening according to our bodyguards. They ripped us apart and shoved me in the closet, and him in the bathroom. At least HE had light.

The idiot.

"Well, what do we do now..." Holly said quietly, and everyone shut up.  
"The whole fairy race is at stake...and we can't do anything about it...A pshycopathic freak will be the end of us...ha...I never thought I'd be the one to let the whole fairy race down..." she whispered, laughing through a sob. I could hear Artemis groan, then sigh. "Holly, you owe me extra for this." he grumbled, and I jumped for joy, but hit my head on the shelf. "Can I come out now???" I asked, rubbing my head. Artemis opened the door, and I kicked him in the shins. He fell over, and I stood up, brushing off my pants. "That's for arguing with me." I said matter of factly, and walked to his cushy armchair. "So, who's going to which school?" I asked, and after some thought(more like two seconds) he said. "Well, I'm no good at catholic stuff soooo..." he looked at me. I winced. "Not the nuns..." I moaned, and Kahn burst out laughing.

Everyone else looked at us like we were nuts, which we were, but that's beside the point.

Note: I used to go to a catholic school. I swear, those Nuns are EVIL!!!!!!!

Anyway, after Kahn's laughing fit, and me almost BURSTING into tears, Artemis hacked into the school systems and replaced two transfer students with us. Only, He made himself a mess up in the communications, so he didn't have to dress like a girl. Damn genius...

Three weeks later  
"I. Hate. Nuns."  
"At least you weren't stalked all day."

We had just suffered through our first day at the new schools. It. Was. Nightmare.

First off, I got lost, then I got in trouble for not having a uniform, THEN those idiotic nuns went and SLAPPED me with a ruler for cursing god's name. THEY ACTUALLY HIT ME!!!!!

Artemis got STALKED all day by the freaky girls of the school. He has phone numbers written on his forehead!

This plan sucks.


	5. HOTTIE!

"Okay I'm in the school main database, but...there's nothing here."  
"Type in the code XBC76DR"

I was talking to Artemis on the earphone he had made, whilst hacking into the school computers. Not fun. He. WOuldn't. stop. nagging. me. ugh.  
aaanyways:

"Got it. List of students."  
I scanned the list, finding people who had came in the last few weeks. Only two. Myself, and another girl. Genia Pixie.  
"Found her. Ya know for a genius, she's pretty stupid."  
"How so?"  
"Genia Pixie."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah. Oh. So what now? Do I go find the girl?"  
"What do you think."

I shut my laptop, muttering unrepeatable words as I unplugged it from the main computer.  
"I can still hear you."  
"Oh bite me."  
With that I closed the link, and ripped out the ear peice. I considered crushing it under my foot, But, I had a little fiddling to do with it.  
(Not THAT fiddling You sickminded fools)

I stuck the laptop into my book bag,and tiptoed over to the window.  
I pulled myself up, and summer-saulted out of it, landing on the small roof underneath. I jumped off of that, and landed gracefully on the ground. Guess 12 years of Gymnastics paid off after all.

Brushing off my skirt I walked over to the library, which was in a separate building from the rest of the school.  
I almost made it, I really did.

"MISS ROSE."

I winced. It was Sister Annarissa.  
She hated my guts.  
"Yes ma'am?"

"What are you doing here. Your supposed to be in the library." she snapped.

"I needed my book bag. I forgot it in my locker." I lied, and she looked at me suspiciously."Oh.Well get back to class." she snapped, and I nodded, forcing myself to smile.

As soon as she left, I started muttering again. Stupid school. Stupid Artemis. Stupid life. Stupid-"AGH!!!!" I screamed, as I plummeted towards the ground. I smashed into the ground, and scraped my cheek against one of the stepping stones. When I looked up I saw a tall boy standing there.  
"Artemis?" I mumbled, and the boy helped me up.  
"Sorry, no. My names Seth. Nice to meet you." he said politely and I blushed.

_Your engaged._

I don't caaaare

_Well he is cute, I grant him that. But who do you vthink he looks like? With his black hair, and beautiful blue eyes..._

Oh can it.

I smiled at he boy, and he smiled back. Then a thought hit me.  
"Why are you here? This is an all girls school."  
"Yeah, but my sister goes here."  
"ohhh. You came to see her?"  
"No, I came to see what the school looked like. My school's out for the day."  
"ohhhh. well maybe I can help. Want a tour?"

_you can't sister annarissa would kill you._

Who cares. shut up already!

"Sure. Thanks."  
"No problem"

I walked him through the school, ignoring the fact that I was skipping ALL of my classes.  
"well that's all of it." I said, and plopped down onto the bench. he sat beside me.  
"so...Don't you have classses?"  
"Yeah, but my next one has a really crabby teacher. her name's Annarissa. She hates me, so I'll spare her the horror of having to look at me.I'll just get a pass from the office."  
"Your not a horror to look at, your pretty cute."  
I blushed, and smiled. I had NO idea what to say.  
"How about you and me hang out sometime? Are you busy tonight?"  
"No. I'm free"  
"Well then it's settled. I'll pick you up around 7, okay? where do you live?"  
I muttered something, but he didn't hear it.  
"Pardon?"  
"Fo-Fowl Manor..."  
An odd experession flashed across his face for a couple of seconds, then it dissapeared.  
"Okay, I'll see you at seven then." he said, and after poking me on the nose, he left.

Fowl Manor

"Tessa?"  
I was all ready for my date. Artemis was stunned.  
I was wearing dark blue jeans with a red tank top. Underneath the tanktop was a form fitting black shirt with long sleeves. I had my hair, which I have up in a permananty pony tail most of the time, down.  
"Why're you so dressed up. Normally you look like you've just crawled aut of bed."  
"And you always look like you've crawled out f hell" I retorted, applying just a little make-up.  
"Why are you getting dressed up?" he asked again, and I smiled."Ive got a date." I said happily, and Twirled around.  
"A date?"  
"yes, a Date, now if you don't mind." I said, pushing him out.

A couple of minutes later the doorbell rang, and I ran to answer it. Artemis got there first.  
"Yes?" he said cooly, and glared at Seth, who was standing outside the door.  
"who are you?" He demanded.  
"Seth Allikey" he said."I'm Tessa's date."

"Artemis Fowl.I'm Tessa's fiance."  
I slapped my forehead as I watched Seth look at him in confusion.  
"Artemis please. Leave the guest alone." I said, pulling him away.  
"Seth I'm so sorry, my cousin here is a bit...insane."I lied, and Seth nodded unsure of what to belive.  
"I am not insane!" Artemis said, and I patted him on the back."That's right Artemis, Your not insane. Now why don't you go talk to your little friends okay?"  
He glared at me, and I escaped out the door."Bye." I said, and slammed it shut. Seth looked at me, and I smiled."Sorry again."


	6. Chapter 7

I walked down the path with Seth, laughing at a joke he'd just told me.

Already I had forgotten about Artemis.

_Then why did you just mention him?_

Because I did. It doesn't mean I remember him.

_Then how do you know who we were talking about?_

Shut up

As we neared the village, I saw Dog, my sheep in the field. The other day I had given him a collar.

"HEY DOG!!!" I shouted, and leapt over the fence. He trotted up to me, slobbering all over my hand.  
"Baaaaaah!" he said happily and nudged my leg looking for a carrot. I laughed as he pulled it out of my pocket and devoured it. I squatted down and scratched his warm coat, when I finally remembered Seth.

"OH! Sorry about that!" I called over to him, and walked back over to the fance.  
"I was just saying hi to Dog!"

"Dog?"

"My sheep!" I said proudly, and gestured towards the slobbering animal behind me. Seth laughed, and helped me over the fence.

Some thing Artemis would never EVER do.

_there you go rememebring him again!_

I thought I told you to shut up!

We went into town and saw a movie at the theater, then we went for a burger and fries.

That's where something UNBELIEVABLE happened.

I looked at their menu and saw...

Sheep Burgers

"WHAT?!!!" I cried, standing up.

"Yeah, Sheep's meat is really good. THey get it at that Farm you were at earlier."

No. Not DOG!!!

"How could they..." I squeaked, and stared at the menu for a little while. That little while lasted longer than I thought.

Seth held a burger with a bite out of it out to me.

I looked at him in pure horror.

"Want a bite?" he asked

"NO I DON'T WANT A BITE THAT'S SHEEP MEAT ON THERE!!!!"

"so?"

"SO!!? IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICE DOG IS A SHEEP!!!"

People around us were starting to stare at me like I was a nut, But I didn't care.

"UGH YOUR SUCH A JERK!!!" I cried, and slapped him.

Out of nowhere(actually it was from the booth behind us) Artemis appeared and held me back.  
"Tessa calm down."

"I AM NOT GONNA CALM DOWN!!! HE TRIED TO FEED ME DOG!!!!!"

"It wasn't Dog. Dog's still there."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

"Tessa. calm down"

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!!!"

He placed one of his warm fingers against my lips, and looked me dead in the eye.

"Your making a scene. Calm down. We can just buy the farm or something, would that make you feel better?"

I nodded slightly."Just a bit..." I mumbled and he took his finger off my lips.

Then he turned to Seth.

"May we step somewhere where we won't make a scene?" he asked politely, and Seth stood up, and marched outside,and into the alley.

Artemis walked in after him.

I was sorta scared...

Artemis's P.O.V

I walked in after the moron, and faced him.

"You saw what that sheep meant to her, why did you do that?"

"It was just a sheep"

"A sheep she tends to care for."

"Big deal"

"Why did you ask her out in the first place?"

"She's hott."

"So you pretended to be nice, just so you could date her."

"Actually I was hoping for a bit more." he laughed

Surged with anger I flew at him, and punched him in the nose.

Blood spurted everywhere.

"AGH WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!!" he shouted, holding his nose.

"Your a prick" I said, and punched him again.

He stumbled back, blinded by the blood.

"Mess with my fiance's feelings again and I'll break more than your nose" I whispered, and walked out of the Alleyway, wiping my hand off on a random cloth.

Back to my P.O.V

I looked at Artemis questioningly as he walked out of the alleyway alone.

WIth blood flecks on his shirt.

"ARTEMIS WHAT DID YOU DO?!!" I cried, and he grabbed me gently.  
"Nothing, let's go."

"I'm kinda on a date!"

"He only went out with you so he could screw you."

This struck me dumb.

"wha..what?"

"You heard me." Artemis said, his grip on my arm tightening.

"oh..." I said quietly, and walked along with him.

As we passed Dogs feid, he Bahed happily at us, and I ran over to him.

"hey my buddy." I said quietly, and he nudged me.

HE could tell something was wrong.

This made me giggle.

Which made me decide something.

"I'm taking him home." I said stubbornly, and picked the heavy animal up and deposited him on the other side of the fence.

"where are you bringing him?"

"My room."

"Your COMPLETELY insane!"

"Whatever." I saAd, and walked along, DOg following me all the way there.

Onec we got t othe house, I peeked into the doorway. Nobody was there. Motioning for them to follow, I tip-toed into the house, and ran up the stairs to my room with Dog.

My life is complicated...


	7. Sweet Dreams

As I shut the door,and leaned against it, I looked around frantically for a pen of somesort to keep Dog in. I mean really, How many places could you hide a sheep?

_You could use the closet_

And let him ruin my clothes?? No.

I wasn't a big fan on the whole girly pretty nice clothes thing, but I wasn't about to go and buy a whole new wardrobe.

_It can't be that hard_

Shut up, you are NOT helping!

I locked my door, and wlked into the closet, digging around in the mess for my bag.

"I know it's here somewhere...There!" I said, and pulled out a length of wire triumphantly.

Don't even ask why I have it.

Anywho, I walked over to one side of the room and nailed a piece of the wire there. Then I went to the other side(of the corner) and nailed the other side of the wire there. I did this multiple times until I had a makeshift pen there. I grabbed some of the uglier dresses I had and bundled them on the floor fo a bed. Then I put him in there.

It wasn't much compared to the field he was used to, but it would do until I could make one outside. Speaking of which I would have to get him some grass or oats or something. What do sheep eat anyways?

Sighing I thwacked my head off the wall.

I need to think about things more...

Sighing again I shuflled out of the room to ask Artemis for help.

Seth's house, Dublin Ireland.

Seth shuffled in the front door, holding a cloth to his nose.

That goddamn Fowl, I hope he dies he thought angrily, and slammed the door shut, heading for the bathroom.

The girl his family had adopted, Genia, stood in front of him.  
"What happened to your nose?" she asked, and he scowled."That bastard Fowl." he grumbled, and a look flashed across Genia's face, then dissapeared in an instant.

"the game begins" she whispered, and went into her room.

The next morning I woke up to non stop bleating from Dog.

If he were an alarmclock I'd break him.

A knock camme on the door and Artemis's angry voice filtered through.

"Tessa shut him up! I'm trying to sleep!" he snapped, and I groaned.

"I need to get him outside!" I said, and put him on the leash I had found last night, opened the door, and walked into Artemis.

Damn his height.

He fell to the ground with an oomph, and I groaned, rubbing my eyes" sorry didn't see you" I mumbled groggily, and trudged down the hall dragging my feet.

I brought him outside and looked around. Over on the edge of the property stood a small building,m with a pen outside it. Curiouse I walked over to it, and walked inside. It was quite old, but sturdy none the less. The pen was roomy, and there was no way any animal could get out. Fully awake, I placed Dog in the stall and looked around. A pitchfork stood against the wall, and a sickle stood next to it. Outside a field of hay (pretend sheep eat hay) was there, and I smiled giddily.

"Looks like you found it on your own" Artemis's voice came from behind me, and I looked at him. 

"huh?"

"The barn. I made it for you. Your birthday's coming up, and I was goijng to buy sheep for you then, but since you stole him, I'll have to do it today." he said, and i looked at him.

Suck up.

_Can't he do something nice without you being so critical of him?!!!_

No.

_what about last night? _

He was stalking me.

_Your an idiot!!!_

I don't care.

He blinked, surprised at my reaction.

"What do you want? Am I supposed to run into your arms or something?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Artemis's P.O.V

Actually yes I thought, a tad disappointed

"No, but a thanks would be nice" I muttered, and walked out of the barn.

What is with her?

Every time I try to be nice, she goes and does something rude!

Why?!!!!!!!!

Two cold arms wrapped themselves around m chest, and Tessa buried her head in my shouder.  
"Thanks Artemis" she said quietly, and walked back into the house.

(Reg P.O.V)

I walked into the house, blushing.

I had just hugged the guy I swore to hate.

I sat on my chair, and wrapped my fuzzy blankets around my cold body. My eyelids drooped, I dropped the blanket on the floor and fell asleep.

Two warm arms lifted me up out of my chair, and carried me to the bed. I stirred, but didn't let them know I was awake. Their warm chest pressed against my body as they set me down gently on the bed. When they put the blanket around me, I grabbed their arms, and my eyes flew open. Artemis was leant over me, dangerously close to my face.

I blushed, and his cheeks reddened. "Sorry." he said, his warm breath swirling around my lips. It was nice...Cinnamony...

As i thought this I blushed even more, and clenched onto his arms tighter. This made him blush, and say" You can let m ego if you want' he said, and I blushed even more if that's even possible. I let him go, and fell back into my pillows. "sorry I mumbled, and shut my eyes, and fell back asleep.

almost.

Out of nowhere two warm lips pressed themselves against mine, and Artemis's voice whispered "Sweet dreams"

I heard his footsteps fade away, then I leapt up, hands over my mouth.

He did NOT just do that!


	8. Lostscratch that Found!

I did not get ANY sleep.

None what so ever.

So I got ready for school. I pulled on the stupid uniform, and stuffed all my books into my bag. I walked to the stairs, lost in thought, until I rammed into the banister.

"oomph."

I shook my head, and looked at the evil piece of wood.

_wanna break it?_

No...I have a better idea...

I grinned dopily, and then jumped onto the banister.

Who0oping I slid all the way down to the bottom.

Guess who I landed on.

Jumping up, I blushed like mad, and backed away.

"s-sorry" I stuttered, and ran out the front door.

Kahn was waiting outside. She raised her eyebrow at me as I stumbled into the car, my face as red as my shirt.

"what happened?"

"Nothing. Now can we go?!" I asked impatiently, and she looked at me suspiciously, but drove off anyway.

"Tessa, I know something's wrong." she said, and I looked down.

"Th..This morning I gave Artemis a hug..and then later on, when I fell asleep in my chair, he came and put me in my bed.."

"I don't see how that's bad."

"That's not all...h-h-he kissed me then said sweet dreams!"

Kahn started laughing.  
"What is so funny?!" I snapped, and she continued laughing.

"That's not so bad" she laughed, and I glared at her.

"It is when you hate him." I snapped, and crossed my arms over my chest.

She stopped laughing.

"Do you really hate him that much?"

"Yes!"

"Then why did you hug him?"

"I don't exactly know..."

For the rest of the day I thought about that one thing.

In math I wasn't paying attention. Sister Annarissa came and slapped my book with her Ruler of Do0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oOOOOOOOM!!!!!

"What's this?" she snapped, and I looked at my book, which was covered in hearts with Artemis's name in it. And on the bottom it had everything that happened this morning written down.

Damn that stupid psychiatrist.

"Ah what do we have here. Notes? would you like to share it with the class?"

I THOUGHT THAT TORMENT WAS OVER WHEN I LEFT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!!

"NO!!!!" I cried, and snatched the book away.

She took it back and read it out loud. Through the whole thing I screamed.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!!!!" I screeched, trying to take the book away.

Giggles arose from the girls around me who had the privelege of hearing my embarrasing doodles.

Whispers followed me around for the rest of the day, and some girls were bold enough to approach me.

"You LIKE the rich bastard?"

"He is SO stuck up."

"But hott, have you ficked him yet?"

All of the things they were saying about him made me unbelievably mad.

Only one good thing came out of that day of torture.

I found Opal.

I ran down the road, rain soaking through my white shirt. I really didn't care.

Once Artemis found out that Opal was at my school, he transferred back to St.Bartleby's for Gentlemen. All the schools were on the same road, but it was an incredibly long road.

As I bolted into the school, I got wolf whistles and whoops for my see through shirt. I looked around ignoring them till I spotted Artemis's face.

"ARTEMIS!!!!" I called, and ran over to him tugging on his arm."C"mon! I found her!"

"I know that already." he said.

"NO! I found HERRRRRRR. As in I found her flesh and blood."

"You did?!!!"

"YEAH!!!!"

"Show me!" he said, and we ran to my school.

I dragged him up the steps, ad pointed to a young girl talkting to Seth. Artemis's face scrunched up in rage, then returned to normal. I said nothing.  
"We'll call Foaly after school. Tbere's no way we could contact him now." he said simply.

I stared at him."Your kidding."

"Nope."

I stared at him."So I stalked her all day for nothing."

"Yep."

sighing I flopped down onto the ground.

"Oh yeah and I'm suspended."

"What? Why?!!!"

"I doodled on my math book."

He raised an eyebrow."Exactly how much did you doodle?"

"All over it."

"Show me."

I froze. I could NOT s how him.  
"They threw it out." I lied, and stood up wiping off my butt.  
"You missed a spot." he said, and brushed it off for me. I blushed, and turned away.

"Sorry." he said quickly

I looked back at him, my face back to normal."It's okay..." I mumbled, and looked at him dead in the eye.  
"Well seeing as I have nothing better to do, I'm going to your dorm."

"Your kidding."

"actually no, I have to hide somewhere because if Kahn finds out she'll kill me."

"Riiight."

I noticed his face become very red, and raised an eyebrow.

"Your shirt...It's somewhat...completely see through." he said.

My face went redder than ever and I covered myself. He squeezed his eyes shut and handed me his coat. "Here."

I took it and began to walk down the road.

"HEY WAIT UP!!!" he called after me and jogged up beside me.

Artemis's P.O.V

After I dropped Tessa off at the dorms, I tried to erase the memory of her breasts showing through the shirt from my mind.

As hard as I tried, it wouldn't go away.

_Admit it. you don't want it to._

Go away.

As I walked down the hall a guy from my class pulled me aside.  
"Yo, Fowl. How'd you land yourself a babe like that?" he drawled, and I glared at him. "Go away." I said, and pulled away from him.

He followed me. "Alot of us guys would pay alot to have a piece of that."

Anger surged through my body, and I slammed him against the wall.  
"You touch her and I will personally see to it that you will be able to sit beside yourself in class." I growled, and dropped him to the floor, and walked away.

Still Artemis's P.O.V)

I walked back over to the dorms, and into my room. Tessa wasn't in there.  
"Tessa?" I called, worried.

I heard nothing. Looking around I searched frantically.

After I regained my senses I thought it out. She couldn't have gone far, and she can take care of herself. I repeated this to myself over and over until I believed it. I ran my fingers through my hair, and shut my door, stripped, grabbed a towel, and walked into the bathroom.

(Reg P.O.V)

I stood there, stark naked, in the middle of the bathroom, unable to move. 

The day just kept getting worse.

Artemis was standing at the door, eyes wide, and naked.

I HATE MY LIFE!!!!


	9. this SUCKS

"GET OUT!!!!!!"

I chucked a bar of soap at Artemis's head, and he ducked out of the door.

"I'M SORRY!!!" he cried, and slammed the door shut.

I stood there, having a mental fit as I pulled my now dry clothes back on. I walked out into the room, where Atremis was doing his shirt up.

I am SO not talking to him.

I stomped past him and out the door slamming it in his face. A boy out in the hallway smirked."You and lover boy get into a fight?" he said, and strutted over. I glared at him."Screw off. I'm busy." I snarled, and stomped back to my school.

The girls were just beginning to file out of the doors, chatting happily. The rain had stopped, thank god.

I finally spotted her.

How to make this look like an accident...

_you could go over and say Hi._

Then it'd look like it was on purpose!

_that's the point. your supposed to make it LOOK like you want to be her friend._

Know it all.

_just do it._

Sighing I stopped my mental battle with myself, and walked over.

"Hi there!" I said happily, and extended my hand out to her.

"Umm...hi?"

Snob.

"My name's Tessa, what's yours?"

"Genia..."

"Sorry...am I scaring you?"

"Actually no. I was just surprised that you were talking to me."

"why?"

"because I'm the new girl. No one EVER likes the new girl."

I smiled."I know what you mean. I'm the new girl too. Just came here a little while ago."

Genia smiled at me."That's cool. Where'd you come from?"

"Canada."

Genia loooked confused.

I looked at her.  
"You don't know where that is?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

she shook her head."Sorry."

I laughed, and she started laughing too.

Some genius.

I walked home with Genia, and she invited me inside.

"Sure" I said, and smiled. She opened the door and I walked in.

"Wow...this is so pretty!"

Hanging on the wall was a glass mirror. It was silver and had engravings in it. I could tell by the look of them that they were Japanese.

Friends are like reflections.  
They look you in the eye.

I smiled."This is a nice mirror, what does it say?"

She didn't even look at it."Friends are like reflections.  
They look you in the eye."

Either that was languages, or she had alot of time on her hands.

"Wow, do you speak any other language?"

"All kinds, I speak Spanish, Italian, French, English, Gnommish-" at the last one she stopped.

"What's Gnommish?" I asked stupidly.

"Oh it's a made up language. Forget I said that." she said, and opened a door at the end of the hall."Come on in, this is my room."

I walked in and looked around. It was roomy, and very...expensive looking.

"woah."

She smiled and sat on her bed."So. Tell me about yourself."

I never got the chance because we were interupted.

"Hey Gen, where's my..." Seth's voice trailed off as he looked at me.

"Hi sheep murderer." I hissed.  
"Hi whore." he retorted  
"Look who's talking."I snapped back.  
"What're you doing here?" he challenged.  
"I invited her." Genia piped up.  
"Well I uninvite her." He said, and pulled me up off the bed by my arm.

He was on his back on the floor in 10 seconds flat."Don't touch me you perverted asshole." I snarled, and stomped back onto the bed. Genia looked at me."Do you know him?"

"Just a bit." I replied and grabbed a magazine she had on her dresser and flipped through it angrily.

"Go away Seth." Genia said, and pushed him out the door.

She slammed it in his face and I glared at the diabolical block of wood as if it would do something useful.

I stayed there for a couple hours and learned her story. Well, what she said was her story.

When I got home I told Artemis the whole thing, and went and hid in my room.

My life sucks! On what's supposed to be the best day of my whole year, I get told that I'm engaged to a moron! Then I find out that a whole race is living under our feet, and I learn everything about them! AND the idiot I'm supposed to be marrying sees me naked!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!!!!! My own MOTHER hasn't seen that much of me since I was 6!!!

I absoloutly HATE my life!!!!!!


	10. engagedOMG!

"Haven?"

"Yes, Haven, we're sneaking in."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but shrugged.

Holly walked in, a packsack in each hand.

"Here, I got these from foaly. Their elf costumes. Synthetic of course, and Artemis will have to crouch down, But Tessa's short enough...Just a tad bit tall."

I glared at her for the short comment, but grabbed the sac and walked into the bathroom anyways.

I stuck the prosthetic ears over my own, and they morphed to fit. I could even hear out of them!! I used the cream that was in the bag, and rubbed it ALL over my body...well excluding the personal...parts. I walked out, and laughed at Artemis.

He looked really awkward, and next to Holly he looked like a Elf on steroids!

"We'll just tell them that we're half and half." he said, pulling at the ears."Foaly??" he asked Holly, and she nodded.

"If I had his help all the time..."

"Can it Fowl. You swore you'd stop that."

Artemis smiled innocently, and I snorted as I noticed his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Let's get going! Trouble's waiting."

"Trouble? Trouble Kelp?"

"the one and only."Holly replied, and handed each of us a set of Humming Birds Z7.

Then she wrapped us up in Cam Foil.

"There" she said, and I looked at Artemis. He looked like a present. Almost. I could still see his eyes through, which were sticking out of the holes she had made. I saw an odd look in his eye, then it dissapeared. I shrugged it off.

"So how do these work?" I asked, nodding to the wings.

"Can't tell you. But I will start them up for you. They're steered by your body movements by the way."

I nodded, and walked around in a circle.

"So, when are we leaving?" I asked, and Artemis spoke."Now."

We walked up to the roof and Holly started the wings and we took off.

I got ahold of it easily and quickly, whilst Artemis...well he was a tad bit slower. 

We ended upin front of s bush, which Holly walked through. The bush was of course, a hologram.

We entered a bustling station, where a shuttle or...something, was being loaded.

"LAST CALL FOR SHUTTLE 357 TO HAVEN CITY!!!!!!"

Holly ripped the cam foil off and we darted for the shuttle taking off the wings as we went.

Holly shoved them into her moonpack  
(Like a moonbelt, only it's a packsack) and we clambered on board.

"Holly, FINALLY!" A guy called out, jogging towards them.  
"And I see you brought visitors" he said, winking.

I snorted."Hey Holly, who's this your boyfriend?"

I saw a blush flash across her face then dissapear in an instant.

"No, this is Trouble Kelp." She said, and Trouble winked again."Pleased to meet you."

We were taken to Holly's house where we were given a room to share.

This is lovelyeye roll

"SHORT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!!"Sool snapped, putting his pudgy hands on his fat hips.

"Same thing I was doing yesterday."

"AND WHO ARE THESE?!!!" he screamed, pointing at Artemis and Me.

"Same people we were yesterday." I snapped impatiently, and stomped past him into Foaly's office.

"We've been here for almost a month and that fat headed moron asks the SAME questions, EVERYDAY!!!!!!" I exploded and plopped down onto his spinny chair.

"Don't you dare start spinning." Artemis warned as he locked the door behind him.

"I finally got the cam's online. They're in every room of that house." Foaly said, and sat down in his specially designed chair, satisfied and pleased at his work.

Artemis and I looked at the screens.  
Their mom was in the kitchen cooking and talking with their dad who sat at the kitchen table.

Genia-er-Opal was in her bedroom reading a magazine, and Seth was-

"EW GROSS THAT IS SO WRONG SHUT IT OFF DAMNIT!!!!" I cried and slapped my fingers over my eyes.

Seth was getting out of the shower.  
IK!!!!

Foaly chuckled and shut it off.  
"Sorry." he said, and sat back down in his chair.

Artemis however was still peering at the screen.

"Interesting..." he muttered, and tapped something in on the keyboard.

"She's not so dumb afterall." he said, and tapped the screen.

"What are you talking about?"

"That's not her..." he said, and I looked at the screen closely."Your right..."

"But where would she be..."

In the Room behind the Room

"That mud boy thinks he can outsmart me...Let's just see." Opal Cackled, and hit a big red button.

Out of the chimney of the house a shimmering ball of air arose and flew off towards Fowl Manor.

Fowl Manor

The ball of air/light flew into Tessa's room, and lodged itself on the ceiling, blending in perfectly.

Away in the room, Opal cackled, and sat down on her chair

(Which isn't spinny. she doesnt DESERVE a spinny chair.)

Back in Foaly's room

"maybe she's at school?"  
"Tessa, If she was at school, why would she have the hologram there? She would need her parents to think she was at school, so she would have stuck the hologram at the school." Artemis countered  
"It was just an idea." I muttered, and glared at the idiot in front of me

**Stupid know it all **

_But you liiikke him _

**WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND?!!!**

_Why are you yelling at yourself_

**Because you irritate me! And you not me, your that stupid little voice that flits around annoying people**

"Are you sure you didn't see anything odd in that house." Artemis said, and tapped the screen again

"Unless you mean the hideouse gorilla and his ego, no."

Artemis gave me the evil eye."Shut up." he snapped

"What?!"

"I heard you when you first saw him. You thought he was me." He said, and glared at me some more.

"S'not my fault your ugly." I snapped back

He leaned in towards me"You didn't seem to think that when you went on a date with him." He hissed.

That was it.

It one swift movement I slapped that idiotic egotistical-

_Don't you start rambling again_

**Shut up!**

-Jerk across the face.

Holly jumped in between us, holding me back.  
"STOP IT YOU TWO!"  
"HE/SHE STARTED IT!!!!!" the two of us screamed at the same time, pointing at eachother.

"The whole faerie world is at stake, would you two PLEASE stop fighting!" Trouble said, and looked at the bickering two.  
"I thought you were engaged, your supposed to love eachother. You don't see Holly and Me scrapping like that." He said, then his eyes widened in fear."D'Arvit" he hissed

"You and Holly aren't...waaaaaaaiit a second, ARE YOU?!!!!" I screamed excitedly.

Holly slapped her forehead.

"When?!" Artemis said, raising a curious eyebrow.

Holly sighed" Long time ago. Don't tell anyone though! If Sool catches wind of who Trouble's marrying he'll put a stop to it."

I danced a little jig, and made a zipping motion over my lips."Your secret's safe with me." I said, and Artemis raised his hand slightly."As with me." he said, and folded his arms again.

"AGH!! FUCK SCREWS!! WHERE IS SHE?!!!!" I cried, pulling at my hair.

"calm down there mud girl, we're still looking."

"..." Artemis was silent, then he said."Do a bio scan in the house, then place a diagram of the house overtop." He said, and Foaly huffed" I could have thought of that myself."

"Horsey boy just do it." I snapped, severely irritated. I did not like being cooped up for hours.

Foaly glared at me, but tapped a few keys on his keyboard, and a virtualimage of the house, with thermal images moving around inside."Those are their bodies." he said, and pointed to the thermal patches.

I nodded, and pointed to one between Gen's room and Seth's room.  
"That's not a room." I said.  
"What do you mean?"  
"That wasn't there before."


	11. Taken

"What do you mean it wasn't there?"  
"I thought you were supposed to be a genius" I replied, raising an eyebrow at him. He just glared at me.  
"Shut up." he snapped, and walked over to the keyboard."You need to go back into that house." he said, and I nodded."sure no prob, can we leave now? I'm DYING to get fresh air!"I said, smiling hopefully. Artemis rolled his eyes and Holly laughed"Something tells me you hate it here." she said and I nodded furiously."YES OH GOD YES I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING!" I cried, throwing my hands into the air.

The people in the room looked at me weirdly but I didn't care. I WANT OUT OF HERE!

"AIR!" I whispered, gulping down my preciouse oxygen. Artemis slapped me lightly on the back of the head, and I (again) just stuck my tongue out at him.

"What are you? four?" he asked, and looked around for Butler, who was supposed to be picking us up. Well Artemis anyways. Kahn was bringing an extra vehicle to bring along Trouble, Foaly, Mulch, and Holly. And as far as Artemis knew, Me.

But I wasn't going with Kahn.

Back in Canada, I had a toy I loved to ride around in our back yard. (Seeing as I only had my whatever it's called before you get your license.

Sure, I had wanted a car, but this was my baby. She was black and red with silver stripes. She was my Kawasaki(sp?) Bike.

Yes, it's irritating to hear someone talk about a vehicle as if it were a chick, but that's how I feel. And if ANYBODY scratches it, They'll be in a worse position than a human who just had a blood bath cornered by a pack of full grown bull trolls.

And for those of you who don't know, that's bad. Really. Really. Bad.

::Fowl Manor::

"What?!" Artemis cried as I pulled up, smiling wider than the moon."Like er?" I asked, giddy from the ride."Where'd you get that?" he asked  
"The store." I said, and took my helmet off, and combed my fingers through my hair to get trid of the helmet hair I knew for sure was there.  
"Speed Demon." He muttered, and looked it over, then walked away.  
That's it. No 'Are you sure you can ride that thing?' 'what the fuck' NOTHING!!!!! God he get's on my nerves!

I sat there straddling my bike for a bit until I finally snapped out of it, and rolled it into the garage, and stalked into my room, then flopped onto the bed, dead tired. I didn't notice anything different. I mean, why would I suspect anything? Who would want to harm me???

Pretty soon I fell asleep, still in my clothes and not uder any sheets. My bed was such a relief after sleeping down in haven...

Some other random P.O.V..

Tessa lay fast asleep on the bed, as I crept into her room from the balcony. I looked up into the corner, and made sure the (It has no name) was there. It was. Smiling I walked over to her, and stroked her cheek gently. She was out like a light. No surprise really. Opal had rigged the with sleeping gas so she wouldn't wake up for a looooong time.

Artemis's P.O.V..

I rubbed my eyes as I sat at my computer, a mug of coffee sitting next to me. The other computers around me were monitoring all rooms of the house. Everyone was where they should be. Tessa was sprawled out on her bed, Butler was in the hall outside my door, and Kahn was across the hall outside Tessa's. Juliet was downstairs with Mulch and Foaly was in the basement doing something odd. Trouble and Holly were patrolling outside. Sudenly I noticed something in Tess's room. A dark figure was creeping towards her. It touched her face gently and I bolted out of my room, and into her's. Beside her Seth stood, staring at her face smirking as he rubbed her thigh. He didn't even notice me.

"YOU ASSHOLE!!!" I shouted, and tackled him to the floor. We rolled around punching eachother, until he leapt up and grabbed Tess. I froze. I couldn't hit him with her in his arms. Kahn and Butler weren't anyuwhere near the door. Someone had been screwing with my system. He ran to the balcony, and I hollered, and leapt for him, but he jumped off the balcony.  
I jumped after him, and chased him into the forest surrounding the Manor.

"I've got to find them!" I muttered.

(Bak to Tess...er My P.O.V)

I groaned, and blinked my eyes a few times. I had a KILLER headache."Woah, where's the asprin." I muttered, and tried to sit up. It didn't work. I opened my eyes in utter confusion, and found that I was tied to some sort of table.  
"What the hell is going on here?!" I exclaimed, and looked around. I spotted a short figure in ths shadows, and they slowly walked towards me, smiling and flashing their pointy white teeth.

"Opal." I hissed, and she smiled.

"Hello my dear."


	12. It's great to agree

" who're you callin Dear?" I snapped, and watched the small pixie walk around the table I was stuck to.  
"why you of course." She replies smugly, and stopped walking and leant over the table. Did I mention she looked like Prince what's his face off of Shrek 1? I mean, look at her head!!!! It WAY ousizes her tiny body...

Oh right, back to my story.

"Your going to be my litt;e worm my dear."

"Stop calling me dear, God! And I AM NOT YOUR WORM!! I AM NOT BEING BAIT!!!" I screamed, voicing the first thought that popped into my head.  
"you are quite smart" Opal said smiling."And you will be bait whether you like it or not." She said, and I screamed a stream of swearwords at her back as she walked out of the room.

"I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A TRUCK!!!" I screamed, and pulled against my restraints. It was no use. They were NOT gonna budge.

Fowl Manor

I ran inside, and dashed down to the kitchen where Butler, Kahn, and Mulch were sitting and( well Mulch was busy stuffing his face) talking.

"TESSAS BEEN TAKEN!" I cried, completely out of breath."Seth! grabbed...forest...Opal...to her..." I gasped, leaning on the counter for support. Kahn sped out of the room but Butler held her back" YOU'LL BE OF NO USE IF YOU GO!" he shouted to the woman, and she calmed down.  
I stood up after regaining his breath."Opal's going to use her as bait." I said after a few seconds of thought."She wants us to go to her..." I muttered, and sat down rubbing my temples.

Meanwhile Kahn was raving mad and being restrained by Butler again, whilst Mulch went off to find Holly and Trouble.

"AGH!!!" I cried, and slammed my fist into the table. I was alone in the room.

I can't do it! I'm not able to think straight because of my anger! this is enfuriating! All because of a girl!! damn it I wish she had never come here!! I thought angrily.

_you're such a liar. you know full well you want her to stay here._

Shut up your not helping!

_Your in deniiiaaaal_

Don't you have someone else to annoy?

Oh od. I'm talking to myself. She's rubbing off on me I groaned, and rubbed my temples again. I needed to calm down and think of a plan.

(back to other P.O.V)

I lied there for what felt like hours, until Seth came in with a tray of food. He set it down beside me and untied me, then left, locking the door behind him.

Well at least I was free of the damn table.

Rubbing my wrists I looked at the food, and threw it to the floor. It was probably drugged. Looking around I sniggered. Leave a bitchy girl with a taste for revenge in your computer room. HA! How stupid can these guys get?!

Smirking I got off of the table, and sat on the chair, which to my dismay wasn't spinny. I liked my spinny chairs...

ANYWHO back to screwing with the computer.

curiouse I clicked on a file titled 'Artemis Fowl'

In it was an Interpolsp? record of Artemis Jr's little 'adventures' in the human world, along with LEP files, and other info on him.

"stalker" I mutered, and deleted that file angrily. I had known Artemis was a criminal, but not this bad.

Then I went and deleted a bunch more of her important looking files. Then I screwed around with her computer some more and uploaded a bunch of viruses. Then I dumped the liquids from lunch on it and flung food remainst at it too.

It was the best I could do without a mallet.

_Malets are fun_

You know, for once I agree with you...

_see! It's great to agree!_

and now I want you to shut up.

_your a bitch you know that right?_

whatever...


	13. Body Spray

Artemis's P.O.V

I sat crosslegged in my room, thge recorder in front of me. I was trying to form a plan. No luck so far.

Tessa's P.O.V

I sat on the metal bed thinger and stared at the door." 2 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 2 BOTTLES OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT AROUND, 1 BOTTLE OF BEER ON THE WALL. 1 BOTTLE OF BEER ON THE WALL, 1 BOTTLE OF BEER!!! TAKE IT DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, NO MORE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!!!"

I smiled."ONE MORE TIME!!!"

This would be the like...10th time I'd sung the song. Hey, you wanna kidnap me, you better be prepared to have the shit annoyed outta you.  
"WOULD YOU SHUT-UP?!!!" Seth bellowed, stomping in. I just smirked and sang even louder." I WEAR MY PINK PYJAMAS IN THE SUMMER WHEN IT'S HOT! i WEAR MY FLANNEL NIGHTIE IN THE WINTER WHEN IT'S NOT,  
AND SOMETIMES IN THE SPRING TIME, AND SOMETIMES IN THE FALL, I JUMP INTO MY LIL BED WITH NOTHING ON AT-"SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!!!" Seth screamed, covering his ears.  
"_ late last night while we were all in bed, old lady lucy lit a lantern in the shed, when a cow knocked it over she winked her eye and said_" I whispered.  
"that's better." he scoffed.  
"ITS GONNA BE A HOT TIME IN NO TIME TONIGHT! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Hecovered his ears again, and I cackled." Your such a bitch!" He shouted, and went to slap me. I ducked, and scooted away." oh shove it up your butt." I snapped, and continued bellowing. He stormed out, and I fell off the table laughing.

At Fowl Manor

Artemis finally came out of his room, holding some CD's. he went into the sitting room, where everyone was waiting, and handed them out." And your only thinking of a plan to capture her now because?" Holly asked, and Artemis glared at her."Shut up and do your job Ms.Short." he growled, and stormed off.

About 1/2 an hour later everyone was up to date and ready to go. Artemis got into the car, and stared int othe sky angrily. Butler looked over at him, and raised an eyebrow."Artemis, are you-" "I'm FINE butler, just drive." he said through gritted teeth, and continued staring. Butler shrugged,and started up the car. Artemis reached into his baga nd pulled out a tracker device. He opened his mouth and looked into the mirror. Very carefully he placed it on one of his teeth. Looked just like a filling." so you know what to do?" he asked butler. "Yes Artemis. Use the tracker and map the way into the room. You DO know that Holly will be following you right?"  
"It's just a precaution." artemis said, and dug in his bag again. Out came a set of Iris Cams. The right color too. Using the mirror again Artemis stuck them in his eyes, and blinke as he got used to the feeling. Then he dug in the bag AGAIN and pulled out...

" LEMME OUTT AHERE I GOTSTA PEEEEEEE" I whined, and pounded on the door. "I HAAAAVEE TOOOO PEEEEEE!!!!!!" I screamed, and danced around. Okay, so I didn't have to pee, but whatever. The door creaked open."FINALLY I've been screaming for about an hou- ARTEMIS?!!!!" I cried, staring in disbelief. He turned and glared at Opal."We had a deal, now let her go." He snapped, and I blinked. Wow. He actually could be...nice. Opal cackled. "Poor, naive mud child. I had no intention on letting your little girlfriend go." she said, and waved." Tah Tah." She giggled, and shut the door. I finally snapped back to reality from fantasy land."HEY I HAVE TO PEE!!!!" I screamed again, and a door opened to my right exposing a bathroom. A windowless bathroom. "Damn." I muttered, and stomped back over to the bed. Artemis was sitting there, muttering something." Good job smarty pants. Get yourself caught." I snapped at him and he looked up." Do you mind, I'm busy." he whispered. I could barely hear him. I scootched over so I could hear what he was saying. Didn't work. Giving up I threw my hands up into the air."Fine! Don't tell me! see if I care!" I cried out, severely irritated. "okay I won't" he said, and continued whatever it was he was doing.

cRaCk! The security camera behind me gave a crackle, and fried. I screamed in surprise. Holly appeared, smiling."Hello there." she smiled, and I stuck my tongue out." So what's your brilliant plan dumbass." I snapped at Artemis.I failed to notice the hurt look in his eyes. " We're luring Opal underground."

"and how do you planto do that in here?"

"We're getting out of here." He said, and rolled his eyes. Holly pulled out some spray can, and beckoned me over. She was about to spray, but then noticed something on the can." er... Artemis."  
"yeah?"  
"this spray...it says do not spray on clothes..."  
Artemis coughed, and choked." You failed to metion THAT when I was planning!"  
"Well I didn't know! Foaly just told me it was a new invention."  
I looked between each of them, utterly confused. Artemis was blushing like mad, and Holly looked very worried." CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!!" I asked, athrowing my arms up in the air again. Artemis looked at me." The spray makes you...invisible..." he muttered."so." I said, and put my hands on my hips. Then it hit me. My eyes widened, and I blushed furiously. "H'how's this gonna w-work." I stammered."T-the bathroom's shut ag-gain." Artemis buried his face in his hands."Damn it." he muttered." Holly are you sure you got all the cameras in the room?" Holly nodded." Well then spray her down and I'll spray myself down later" he went over to the corner and shut his eyes. Holly gave me the spray can and shut her own eyes. I stripped and sprayed all over except for my back which I couldn't reach."Okay I need help." I said, and held out the can. To them it looked like my middle was floating in the air. Artemis chocked and coughed again, and stared, then covbered his face with his hands. I looked down and saw that I had missed mybreasts.A red tinge came to my cheeks and I sprayed the area, then tapped him on the shoulder." help please I can't reach my back." I explained, and he nodded and helped me. Then I shut my eyes and he sprayed himself down. Holly took the can and stuck it in her bag, shielding just asd Opal stormed in the room. She looked around in confusion, and went over to her destroeyed computer which didn't work. She walked around." SETH!! THEY"VE ESCAPED SOMEHOW!!!" she howled, and Seth came in."what?!"  
"You heard me you dolt now go find them!!" She ordered, and they both ran out. Leaving the door wide open. Everyone smirked and we all walked out and down the road. "Okay, so your not so dumb after all." I said to Artemis, and ruffled his invisible hair. Which I could see. I looked down and" OHMYGOD!!" I screamed, and shut my eyes. "HOLLY WHY CAN I SEE HIM!!!" I screamed, and she sniggered." It is NOT funny!! I'm scarred for life!!"I cried."well I can't see you so I guess if one person is invisible, they can see other invisible people." she guessed. My hands moved from my face to my body. I saw Artemis smirk and he leaned close to my face and whispered so only I could hear him."Nothing I haven't seen before." My face turned bright bright red and I slapped him, then stomped down the road.


	14. No way

"mmmm..." I smiled as the water cascaded down onto my body and made it visible yet again."Much better." I murmered, and let the hot water pound into my forehead. Nothing like a hot shower. I reached down and turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped my fluffy lime green(GO GREEN) towel around my body, and walked into my room to get dressed. As soon as I was done I heard a knock on my door and a note was slipped under it. I frowned, and walked over. It was a folded up sheet of paper. I opened it and found black cursive writing:

I'm sorry...****

Beside it was a pressed flower...a rose. I picked it up and looked at it.  
"I wonder who this is from." I murmered, and set it and the note on my dresser. Then I cautiously opened my door and saw...  
"Artemis!" I exclaimed. Then I narrowed my eyes."What do you want." I snapped. He sighed."may I come in?" he asked, and raked his fingers through his hair. I bit my lip, then glared at him again.

_Let him in, it'll be...interesting_  
You again!  
_Let hiimm iiiiinnnn_  
No!  
_you want to let him iiinnnnnn_  
no I don't!  
_let him in and I'll leave you alone._  
"Fine..." I muttered, and swung the door open. Artemis walked in, and I slammed it shut behind him, and crossed my arms over my chest."Well , whaddya want." I demanded, and he looked down." I came to apologise..in person."  
I blinked."what for." I growled.  
"On the road... I really shouldn't have said that." he explained, and my expression softened. I looked over at the note on the dresser, and blinked."You sent that?" I asked, and he nodded. I smiled"awww, thanks Artemis!" I said."It's so pretty." I murmered, and walked over, fondling the rose.

get those thoughts out of your heads for those of you with sick minds.

I felt his arms wrap around my wast from behind."Tessa I..." he whispered softly, and I turned to face him." yes?" I asked quietly. His face was so near mine..."I..um..." I could feel his breath on my lips. It smelled good. His nose touched mine, and I considered shutting my eyes."Tessa..." he murmered, his armsstill around me, and then he moved closer.I shut my eyes.

Then he pulled away."no." he muttered, and walked out.

I must have looked like a complete moron standing there, eyes closed, lips well...the way they were... I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, and sighed, then shut the door he had failed to close.

"what was THAT" I hissed at myself, and fell onto my bed burying my head in my pillow.

Artemis's P.O.V

I went into my room, and raked my fingers though my hair for about the thousandth time today."what was THAT" I muttered under my breath at myself, and fell into my computer chair. I rolled across the room over to my computer and began to hit the keys angrily.  
Just then someone knocked ont my door, I walked over and opened it."Ye-"

Reg P.O.V

I pressed my lips against Artemis's, cutting him off in mid yes. It had taken a while for me to build up the courage to do this...  
His arms wraped around my waist, and he pulled away. My face was redder than santa's suit, as he looked at me quizzically."Tessa what?" He asked, and I pulled out of his embrace."S-sorry!" I stammered, and went to back away but tripped over my own two klutzy feet. Artemis pulled me up off of the floor and into his room. He shut the door and leant me up against it."Don't be" he murmered into my ear, and kissed me softly on the lips. Memories flooded back to me, and I couldn't help but giggle. he pulled away, looking hurt."s-sorry, it's just I remembered something." I said, and he raised an eyebrow. "what did you remember that was so funny?" he asked.. I leaned in and whispered in his ear." I was awake Artemis." I whispered. He was obviously confused for a bit, but then he remembered too. He blushed a bit, and I kissed him again, then walked over to his spinny chair. As I spun around, a question popped into my mind. I stopped the chair, and titled my head to the side." why'd you do it?" I asked, and he shrugged." you just looked so..." his voice triled off, and I smiled, then continued to spin. Then I stood up and tried to walk. I ended up falling onto Artemis's bed laughing my head off. The room spun around and around and around. I held my head, and moaned, then rolled onto my back. Artemis sniggered at me, and I tried to sit up, but was too dizzy.He sat beside me and pulled me up by my outstretched arms. I giggled, and the room stopped spinning. Artemis rolled his eyes."Your so childish." He said, and I smiled." yep!" I gigggled, and kissed him on the cheek."I'm going to raid the kitchen. Ta ta." I said, and left the room. I slid down the banister and hopped into the kitchen on one foot. When I entered the room, Trouble and Holly pulled apart and blushed friously. I sniggered, and hopped over to the fridge."umm...er...why're you hopping?" Holly asked, and I shrugged." No clue." I giggled, and grabbed a Michalina's rice bowl from the freezer.  
I wstuck it in the microwave and sat down at the table and eyed the couple suspiciously. Holly blushed and looked away." the kitche Trouble? I would have thought you'd be more secretive." I teased them. He glared at me." you mean like you and Artemis are?" I choked on my rice." wh-cough what?!" I exclaimed, and swallowed my mouthful. He leaned across the table." We have ears you know." he whispered." I see that."I muttered into my rice and picked it up."whatever you say you two." I taunted, and skipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs with my meal. Artemis's door was ajar so I walked in, sat on his bed, and chucked my empty bowl in the garbage. He looked up from his laptop which he had moved to the bed, and smiled."Hey." he said, and I leaned over."Whatcha workin on?" I asked." A program." he explained." It's a missle guidance system." I looked at him."Your helping the wars?" I asked, and my face fell. He smirked." No, I'm messing with the wars. I never sayd it was MY guidance system." My eyes widened."Your KILLING people?!!" I cried, and he shook his head."No!! I'm disabling them!!!" He said, and I looked at him skeptically. He sighed."Okay Okay. I'm not disabling them. But what I'm actually doing is a secret."

"Artemis are...are you...stealing something?" I asked, and he frowned."No, why'd you think that?"  
"N-No reason!" I said, and smiled, then kicked the door shut. It clicked into place, and he raised an eyebrow."er..." he said, and I shut his laptop. I set it on the table beside his bed next to the clock. It read 10:00 in red flashing letters. I pushed Artemis down onto his pillows and snuggled up against him. He gave me a look of confusion, and I smiled, and slipped under the covers. He was still confused. He sat up, and I did too. He raised an eye brow and asked,"what are you doing?"  
"Sleeping." I replied, and fell back against his pillows, and shut my eyes. He got up off of the bed, and went to his desk, so I flipped the covers back and dragged him to the bed."C'monnn" I said, and pushed him down again."Even genuises need sleep." He sat up and, I pushed him down again and sat on him." You are going to sleep whether you like it or not!" I ordered, and he smirked, and lifted me off of the bed as he stood up, and carried me to his desk, and sat down with me on his lap. He then began to type on his computer again." Fine then." I muttered under my breath, and wrapped my arms around his neck and started to kiss his face."Tessa, I can't see." He sighed." That's the whole point." I smiled, and continued what I was doing."Your not going to let me have a moments peacce are you." Artemis asked, and I shook my head." Fine I'll get some sleep." he muttered, and I smiled." good!" I was about to hop off of his lap, whn he picked me up." But you're coming with me." he said, and lay me down on the bed. I blinked, an he pulled off his shirt and stripped down to his boxers, then handed me a t-shirt from one of his drawers. I looked from it, to him as he lay down beside me. I sat up, stuffed a pillow in his face, and got off of the bed. He got up too and pulled me close, grabbing me from behind like last time." Get changed. Your not seriously going to sleep in that." he said, nodding at my outfit. Jeans and a t-shirt."welll...no..." I said, and twisted away."Fine, but you have to turn around." I ordered, and he did. I stayed facing him just to make sure he didn't peek or anything, and stripped down to my underclothing, and slipped the shirt on. I tossed my clothes into the laundry hamper." Okay, done." I said, and hopped onto his bed. He walked around and crawled in on the other side, and shut off the light. I rolled over until I was against his back and whispered into his ear."Good night Artemis."  
"night." he said, and I rolled back over and shut my eyes. Then I felt his arms snake their way around me, and he kissed my neck. I giggled, and he continued, and I tilted my head up, and stifled a giggle as he moved his hand up my side. I was very ticklish. He obviously figured this out, because as soon as he heard anything like a giggle he tickled that spot, and it took all of my will power to keep from laughing. Then he began to suck and kiss my neck again."Artemis stop we're supposed to be sleeping!" I whispered, and turned around. In the faint light I could see him smirking, and I rolled my eyes." Your not going to give me a moments peace are you?" I mimiced him, and he laughed and shook his head." Fine, then I'll ignore you." I decided, and turned back around. Again he moved to my neck. But like I said I would, I ignored him. Until he moved his hand up the shirt again... then I twisted to face him again, and gave him a warning look. He pulled his hands away, and made the angel of innocence face. I stifled a laugh, and stayed facing him. He did the same and we stared at one anothr for a while, until I moved closer, and rolled him over onto his back. I rested my head on his chest, and shut my eyes. He put his arm around me, and we fell asleep like that. 

**clickety **

**The sun shone brightly through the window, and I rolled over, groaning."Stupid sun, flip ff." I muttered angrily, and someone shut the blinds. I sat up surprised, and fell out of bed when I saw Artemis standing there. He smiled."Morning." he said, and I stood up."Oh riight..." I said to myself, and tood up,rubbing my butt. I then dashed into the bathroom remembering what he was doing to my neck last night.**

Yep. It was there.

The red mark of Do0o0oM.

_Haha _

I groaned, and shoved my head into the sink, and turned on the cold water.  
"Artemis!!!" I moaned. He laughed." Your such a dork!" I said, and slapped him playfully. "What am I gonna do with this?"" I dunno." he shrugged, and I looked at him sarcastically." gee, thanks' that COMPLETELY solves the problem."  
I left the room and went into mine. He followed me." what're you doing?" he asked, and I just ignored him and grabbed my make up bag. I reached in to find what I was looking for..."aha!" I pulled it out triumphantly.  
Okay, I don't wear make-up,so insert whatever it's name is in here, 'kay?

I went into the bathroom and put it on my neck.  
"There." I said, and came ot of the bathroom. Artemis rolled his eyes, and I pushed him out." Now out, out! I'm getting dressed." I said, and shut the door.

About 3 minutes later I was in the kitchen in my signature Jeans and T-shirt."Do you ever wear anthing else?" Juliet asked, and I kaughed and shook my head."Nope."

With Opal

"Those brats...They got away! HOW!!!" Opal fumed, and smashed a tiny hand into the keyboard. Seth was standing behind her, quiet as a mouse. Over the last two days he had not been the target of Opal's demands, and he didn't want to do anything to mess that up."Seth!" She snapped, and turned around."we're going back to Haven. I now have bigger plans than that little pipsqueak. I'm going to target Holly Short." She cackled evilly, hopped off of her unspinny chair, and left the house with nothing but a bag of things, and her minion Seth.

Okay back at the Manor.

"WHEE!!!!!" I laughed, and Dog bleated happily, and wagged his stub of a tail. I was spinning around in the tall grass, and he was there with me. I fell down laughing and he licked my face. I sat up and wiped it off."ewwww...sheep spit..." I giggled, and he baahed and ran a little while aways, so I chased him.

(Yeah, this is in here because someone wanted to know what happened to Dog, so...yeah, he's still living :P)

Something out of the corner of my eye drew my attention away from my pet. I fell to my stomache in the tall grass, concealed by the waving blades.

What the hell is Seth doing over by the bushes I thought to myself. When I saw him dissapear through one, it hit me.  
That's the gate to Haven!! I stood up, and bolted down the road to the manor. Dog followed me bleating happily, but I didn't have anymore time to play with him."ARTEMIS!!!HOLLY!!!TROUBLE!!!MULCH!!!SOMEBODY!!!!" I cried, looking around. Nobody was there.

In Haven.

"FOALY!!!!!" Sool's barking voice roared. Foaly winced, and turned around."Yes Mr.Sool sir." He said, prepared for the worst."WHY DO I HAVE A VIDEO CHIP OF HOLLY SHORT AND TWO MUD BRATS IN YOUR OFFICE!!!!"  
Foaly paled."I thought I had gotten rid of those." he worried aloud."AHA!!! SO YOU ADMIT TO IT!!!" "No! er...uh..I never!"  
Sool's comlplexion turned a very nice shade of red, but it was nothing to the old commander's purple. A flash of memory passed through Foaly's mind that brought a tear to his eyes, but he wiped them away hastily."They were helping on the Opal Koboi case sir."he mumbled, and Sool looked as if his elvin head was about to explode." I-TOLD-YOU-TOKEEP-SHORT-OUT-OF-THAT-CASE!!!" he snorted, and Foaly narrowed his eyes"As long as Koboi is loose Haven is in grave danger. Holly and artemis defeated her before, I'm positive that if we ask themproperly the can do it ag-"  
"I WILL NOT HAVE SHORT IN THIS OFFICE!!! NO GIRL IS GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN THE LEP!!! DO YOU REMEMBER THE HAMBURG INCIDENT!?!! OR THAT EPISODE WITH THE TROLL?!!!" Sool shouted, and Foaly whinnied angrily."The fact that Holly is a girl had NOTHING to do with those incidents! And she has more than made up for it!!!! May I recall the Fowl incident?! And te goblin rebellion?! And the tim when Fairy technology got into Human hands?! AND not too long ago THE OPAL INCIDENT CAUSEING COMMANDER JULIUS ROOT'S UNFORTUNATE MURDER?!!!!" Foaly's face was a shade to rival Beetroot."D'ARVIT SOOL WITH YOU N COMMAND THE LEP IS GOING DOWN!!!!! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT!! I WISH TO HAVD NO PART IN IT!!!I QUIT!!!! GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!!" Foaly turned and stomped out of his office, but not before locking down the office thinger he works in -.-"  
"AND I HOPE THAT LOCK GIVES YOU TROUBLE!!" He shouted back at him, and slammed the door to the LEP offices, a place he never wanted to go back to ever again. 

**i**

**  
**Artemis had once again locked himself inside his room. I was pouting in the kitchen when the knock came on our doors. Curiouse I walked over to it. It was now 8:00 at night. Surely the elder Fowls hadn't comeback from their visit with my parents...  
My caution and common sense(well the little I had) made me pull away from the door. I was unsure of whether I should open it or not.

_Curiostity killed the cat _

But the satisfaction of knowledge brought it back again.

My second voice was silent. Good. I reached out for the doorhandle when an impatient whinny reached my ears."Mud boy let me in before anybody sees me."

"FOALY!!!" I cried out happily and flung the doors open to greet him."What brings you here??!" I asked, and he clopped in, snorting angrily."I quit the LEP"

"You what?!" Holly and Trouble's astonished voices came from the doorway of the kitchen. Thir eyes were wide and their mouths dropped open. Foaly had no change in expression.

"I quit."

**  
**

**  
**


	15. Realization

" Why'd you quit?!!!!" We excluding Artemis all cried, standing around the now seated Foaly.he brought his own chair  
"Sool's an ass." He said simply and I choked on the air I was breathing in.

Foaly.  
Just.  
Swore.

In English too!!!!!

I tried to stifle a giggle but it came out as a weird coughing or gagging sound. Holly gave me a look and I shut up."But you need to be there to make sure he doesn't screw everything up!" She said, and Foaly shrugged."Maybe Opal will knock him off this time." I said out loud, but slammed my hands over my mouth for it. "Sorry!" I apologized at the hurt looks from everyone in the room." I didn't mean it, it just-"

"Yes, that would be nice wouldn't it." Artemis's cool voice came from behind me. I turned around and saw him standing the the doorway."Oh...hey Artemis..." I said, and stepped aside to let him in the small crowd. "Hello Foaly." he nodded to the centaur who nodded back. " Well everyone, Haven's in trouble." He said solemnly, and clicked on the T.V. Everyone in the room looked at it in horror. In big letters it said."RUMOUR: CREATURE FOUND, BELIEVED TO BE OF FANTASTICAL ORIGINS!"

"No..."Holly whispered, and Trouble hugged her tightly. Their people were at risk of exposion. In fact their people were practically exposed.Foaly was staring in disbelief, and I quickly ran out of the room. Artemis just put the remote down and looked away from everyone.

"We're going to get them back right?" I asked quietly as our group sat around the table. "Who..."Holly asked quietly. "The fairy. We're getting them out right?"

"Their in a high tech government facility. We have no clue what kind of technology is in there, or how much they know! It'd take a genius to do it..." Holly said.

"Good thing we have two." I winked at her and got up."Alright people let's get working!"

"What's the use." Holly sobbed.

"What's the use? WHA'S THE USE?!" I cried, outraged that she would say that."Holly Short you are the LAST person I would have thought would have said something like that! Some poor Fairy is trapped in some lab getting poked and prodded! Do you think it's not worth it to even ATTEMPT to rescue them?!"

"Of course not!!"She said defensively, her eyes red and puffy.  
"Well why the hell did you say that?!"

She looked down." I...don't know." She said. I turned to Trouble."And Trouble! What if it's a friend! What if it's Grub?!" I could practically see his hair stand up on end.

"My point exactly." I said triumphantly as his fist clenched and his knuckles whitened.

"Butler, Juliet, think of the poor fairy stuck in a jar! Imagine if it were your family..."

I turned to Mulch. He looked at me expectantly, and I racked my brain."Er...I'll..pay you?" I tried, and he grinned and laughed."Mud-girl, you know my style." he said, and I laughed wil him."Alright, are we gonna do this?!" I asked, my pep rally done.  
"Yeah!" Juliet said, and stood up with me.

"Er...what about the plan." I asked myself, and we all looked at the door of Artemis's study. We grinned at eachother and knew he would help.

_Well duh._

Opal grinned, her pearly white teeth glinting in the room."Now Sool, you agree to enlist Seth here?"  
"Of course." The elf agreed with a sinister grin. Seth was standing in the corner of the room, dressed in the LEP uniform. Not even 10 minutes ago, the dispicable trio sent a LEP Officer to the surface, only to have him be captured due to equipment failures. This would be blamed on Foaly, who was in league with the notorious Artemis Fowl. It was all planned out.

The young fairy was to be followed by the Recon group sent up to get him. There would be 10 fairies up in the government lab, and Opal giggled at the thought. Finally after all her years of plotting the so called _'Haven'_, the mud-brats, and that irritating Holly Short and the rest of the goody goody gang were going down. And it was all thanks to the LEP...

**  
**

**  
**


	16. Food fights and Tampons

"Artemis..." I knocked on his door.

No answer.

"Artemis?" I knocked harder.

Still nothing.

"ARTEMIS?" I kicked the door as hard as I could.

STILL NOTHING!

"ARTEMIS FOWL IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR I'LL TAKE ALL OF YOUR DAVID BOWIE CDS AND SMASH THEM ON THE FRONT STEPS!" I threatened loudly.

Still no answer.

"AGH! FINE! I'M COMING N ANYWAYS!" I said. If I were a cartoon, I'd have large irk marks on my forehead. I opened the door and looked around. Then I smiled. Artemis was slumped over his main computer, the other ones now on news channels, and the site for the fairy in custody. He had done so much work in so little time...it was cruel to ask him to think up a plan...

But we had to so tough.

I walked over and gently shook his shoulder."Artemis? Arty?" I called softly and he stirred, but didn't wake up."Artemis...wake up..." I called again, this time shaking both his shoulders."mmm...five more seconds...I'll be done in a bit..." he mumbled, and shooed me away."Artemis we need your help wake up." I said softly, and he reluctantly sat up, slouching. Then with a yawn and a stretch, he leant back in his chair and went back to sleep. I frowned."Artemis!" I said sharply and her snapped to attention." mmm?" He said sleepily, and I giggled."Wake up you sleepy head." I said, poking him."Stop that." He said, and brushed my finger away.  
"No." Poke.  
"tessa." He glared at me.  
I grinned."what?" poke poke  
"stop."  
poke.  
He sighed."Are you done yet?"  
"Mmm...I think so." I said. He stood up, yawning.  
poke poke poke poke!  
"haha, guess I'm not done." I laughed, and he rolled his eyes."How can you be so cheerful?" He mumbled."Because we're raring to go, and we have you to think of a plan and Foaly with his bag of high tech tricks." I said sweetly, and he laughed."You want me to think up a plan huh?"  
"Well duh." I said, putting my hands onmy hips."Are you sure your a genius? I mean, I just said we had you to think up a plan, god." I rolled my eyes, and stuck my tongu out at him. With speed no one would have guessed he had his arm snapped foreward and grabbed my tongue.  
"AY! LE I GO!"I said,attempting to pull away, but it only made my tongue hurt. He smirked."No."  
"Aremith!" I whined.  
He laughed, then let go. I pulled my tongue back into my mouth, massaging it against the roof of my mouth."Your mean!" I slapped him hard on his shoulder.He winced, and rubbed his now handprinted shoulder."Hypocrite." He said, and shoved me out."Out out, no interfering when I'm thinking of a plan." he said, and shut the door. I sighed, and walked into the kitchen."He's doing it." I said, smiling a bit."But he's exaughsted.(sp?) I'm going to make him something to eat for when he gets out. Juliet can you help me?"  
She smiled and nodded"Of course."

In the Kitchen part of the Kitchen

I tapped my chin."What to make what to make...hmmmm..." I flipped through the cook book spread out in front of me.Juliet was looking through another one beside me."What's his favourite food?" I asked. She shrugged."I dunno..."  
"Don't you usually cook for him?"  
"Yeahhh..."  
"Well what's his favourite?"  
"I said I didn't know!"  
"Geeze, ya don't gotta bite ma nose off, Gowd." I roll my eyes, and laugh, a huge grin plastered on my face. I then slam the giant cook book shut and chuck it over my shoulder."Alright! Screw the cookbooks! I'm making pizza!!!!" I said, and stold Juliet's from her, also throwing it over my shoulder. Then I pulled out the italian cookbook."Pizza...Pizza...Pizza...PIZZA!" I cried happily, and pulled out the ingredients and started making it. Then I scratched my head."what does he like on it?" She sniggered."D-"  
"STOP! Don't say it!!!" I warned, plugging my ears."Dunno." She cackled with laughter and I chucked flour at her."I SAID NOT TO SAY IT!" I whined, then screamed as eggs were flung at me. I grabbed some butter and smooshed it in her long blonde hair. "Oh it's on." She said and grabbed a tube of something out of the fridge."No...No don't. Juliet stop!." I backed away, stopping when I hit the counter. She grinned evilly and unscrewed the cap. My eyes shifted around nrevously for something to use as a shield, or to escape with. 

Zip.  
Nada.  
NOTHING AT ALL!!!

"NUUUUU!!!!" I cried, and covered my face with my arms. She squirted it and it hit it's target. My hair. The red goo dripped down the back of my head."Aw sick!." I said, and tried to wipe it out, but it just rubbed it in more."ACK! This is never coming out!" I looked at a strand of my used to be dirty blonde hair, which was now stained red.

"America?" I asked

"Yes that's where the Fairy's being kept, I think we got that point across."

I glared at Artemis, and turned to Holly, Foaly, Trouble, Mulch, blah blah blah, too many people...  
"When we get this guy out, could I maybe go home to see everyone I left behind?" I asked. Everyone considered it, and they looked at Artemis.

Hello! The reason I didn't ask him is because he's an ass!!! WHY ARE YOU ASKING HIM?! DOES HE CONTROL MY LIFE NOW OR SOMETHING?!!!

He just gave me a look that plainly said 'You want to go see those losers? Whatever.'

My eye twitched angrily."Well I don't see why not." he said, looking down at his nails."But I don't see why either."

"Oh that's it book boy, your dead meat!" I screamed, and launched at him."YOUR NOT MY FATHER, I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU! YOU CAN'T CONTROL MY LIFE!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!"I shouted angrily as I pounded him. He pushed me off, and I jumped on him again, this time caught by three pairs of hands. "LEMME GO!! I'LL RIP HIS SMUG LITTLE SMIRK OFF I SWEAR I WILL!"

"Tessa calm down!" Kahn cried over my angry screams, and held me tightly.

Artemis got up and dusted himself up, looking at me coldly, then he walked away on Butler's word. When I had finally calmed down, Kahn sent me to my room.

What is she my mother?!

"I want chocolate icecream..." I mumbled into the kitchen table.

I had been forced out of my bed against my will at 6 o-clock in the morning, and told to pack because we were leaving tomorrow, and that knowing how lazy I was I wouldn't do it unless forced to.

As much as they were right, I STILL HATE THEM.

But anywho...

Kahn looked over at me and raised an eyebrow."Icecream? This early in the morning?"  
"So. I want Icecream." I said, and walked into the bathroom because nature was calling.

"Kahn?"

"Yes?"

"...got any tampons?"

I could hear her laughter from the kitchen, and I threw the spare toiletpaper roll at the door."SHUT UP AND GET ME TAMPONS!" I snapped.

"So that's why your so touchy." Artemis's voice was heard through the door. My face burned up."Shut up book brain." I snapped, mumbling. He chuckled and walked off.

About 5 or so minutes later, someone knocked on the door, rattling the box so I knew why they were there.

"Doors open." I mumbled, and Artemis opened the door sniggering. He tossed the box to me, and I screamed, and threw the nearest thing at him.

"PERVERT!!" I screamed, and he dashed out, shutting the door behind him.

When I was done my business, I stormed out, searching for Artemis, smoke practically coming out of my ears.

"ARTEMIS FOWL WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA-"

When I turned into the room, he was standing there with a big bowl of chocolate icecream in his hands. My look of anger became a giddy, wide smiled estastic one."I'm gonna kiss you!!!" I finished the sentence, and with a peck on his cheek I stole the icecream, and sat down to scarf it.

Artemis's POV

Last night after Tessa attempted to murder him

I sighed as I sunk into my computer chair. I rubbed my temples, and leant back, staring at the ceiling. She was so mad, and I didn't know why...I had to make it up to her...

But how?

this morning

As I walked down to the kitchen I heard Tessa mumble a complaint about how she wanted icecream. I smiled, and jogged into the upstairs kitchen and found the chocolate icecream.

Now all I had to do was get her mad.

When I walked down the stairs I heard her shout."GET ME TAMPONS." I snickered. "So that's why your so touchy."  
"Shut up Book boy." she mumbled, and I walked away to my mother's bathroom and got the box out from under her sink. Then I walked back down and gave them to her.

"PERVERT!!!" she screamed, and I ran away. She ran after me when she was done, screaming threats."I"M GONNA GET YOU YOU IDIOT!" She screamed.  
"ARTEMIS FOWL WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA-"

I grabbed the bowl off of my desk and held it out. When she saw it her eyes brightened, and she said" I'm gonna Kiss you!" She said happily and took the icecream after giving me a small kiss on the cheek. I smiled and watched her shove it down her throat with inhuman speed, and sat down beside her.

"aaany chance you'd give me a bite?" I asked, smirking. "Drop dead." She said through her mouthful, and, with a slurp, finished the bowl. Satisfied, she leant back, about to whack her head on the floor, but I caught her in time, and nudged the door shut."Hey!" she said, and sat up" Why'd you grab me?!" she asked.

"Well if you'd rather have your head smash against the floor fine."I said.

"Oh...haha thanks." She smiled, and looked at the door."Why'd you close it?" she asked.

"So I could do this." I said softly.

normal POV

"So I can do this." He said softly, and leant close, kissing me softly. I kissed him back, and he pulled away smiling. I smiled sheepishly, my cheeks turning a slight pink. He slid over so he was sitting beside me on the floor again,then stood up, extending his hand to me. I took it and he helped me up.

"So your not mad at me?" He asked. I hugged him, after shaking my head."Arty you gave me icecream! Your the best!" I said happily and kissed him again. He smiled, and after kissing me on my forehead, he walked out. I followed, then saw my room, and dove onto the welcoming bed, and fell fast asleep.

Next day at the Airport

I walked along my eyes closed, still half asleep. Whoever woke me up at this ungodly hour was going to pay...

"Miss, may I see your ticket?" the person at the desk thing said, and I waved it around, leaning against the desk. After they had done whatever it is they do, We boarded the plane, and I (again) slept through the trip. When I woke up, we were in the land of the free.

America.

"And this is the hallway to the laboratories, but that is off limits to civilians." The annoyingly preppy tour guide said perkily, smiling her bleached white smile.

Resist urge to rip her fucking pink head off.

_Hey, you have a pink head too ya know _

SHUT UP!

I ignored my dumb second voice and walked along with the group, the iris cam in my eye taking pictures at a rapid speed. It hurt, but it was my sacrifice to make. And hey, who needed an eye for a week? I could live on one for 5 dayd, pssh, who couldn't.

_Stop lying._

Drop dead.

I followed along with the group, and looked up at the shimmer in the air that was heading down the lab corridor. It was Trouble, shielded of course. He was going to take pictures of the lab, but he had a camera, lucky nerd.

"And that concludes the tour!" the pink idiot said, pointing at the door."YES NO MORE PREPPY TOUR GUIDE!" I cheered, and skipped out giddily.

The lady glared at me, but I flicked her off over my shoulder, and walked out ignoring the dumb gift shop.

"As if they give tours of a military building." I snorted to myself, and walked to my baby which was parked outside the building.

"Good job Tessa." Holly said in my ear as I put my helmet on. They had rigged it up with Fairy Tech, and it was now almost like an LEP officer's helmet. But way cooler, just because I said so.

**  
**

**  
**


	17. Lab Rat

I arrived at the hotel we were staying in, and parked my baby in the garage. Then I took the elevator up to the penthouse, where we were staying.

"Stupid Ritzy hotel, and it's stupid people who want to park your vehicles. Like I'd ever give them my baby." I ranted, flopping on the couch. Artemis didn't glance over at me seeing as I'd been complaining about this since I got here."Good job on getting the pictures." he said, his fingers flying over the keys of his laptop computer. He was hacking into the military databa-se to get the codes that would let us in."Thanks." I said, examining my eye in the window."Aw ever cool!" "What's cool?" "Me eye's red!!! Even the brown part!" I laughed."That isn't good!"Artemis said, getting up from the couch. I just laughed and waved him away, slipping on my awesome eyepatch."Arg!" I laughed, then burst into a fit of giggles." Let me see!" he worried, attempting to grab the eyepatch."No! Go finish your hacking!" I said, and pushed him to the couch. It was a little hard not being able to see out of one eye, but it was for a good cause. He opened his mouth to argue, but I shoved a sock in it, and stuck the laptop in his hands." Hacking! Get to it!" I ordered, and walked over to the doors and strolled out. Time to explore! bwahaha No boring office work for me!!!

_your an idiot._

HEY!!!

_whistles innocently ___

Grrrr...Why you...STUPID SELF!!!!

I ignored my stupid inner voice, whatever, thing. Walking down the hall I whistled a random song that was blaring on the radio in one of the rooms. I hopped into the Elevator with a snooty looking business man, who shot me a dirty look."Hmph, children in the penthouse. Pathetic." I heard him sneer, and I glared, then reached over to the button panel and, smirking, I pressed every button.  
"Oops! Clumsy me." I said innocenly, and the floors started to ding. When he looked like he was about to get off I quickly hit the door close button. Finally about an hour later it stopped back at the floor we were originally on, and I skipped off, leaving the now spazzing man alone."Later Geezer." I flipped him off over my shoulder, and I ran off laughing. as I jumped into the elevator that would take me to our floor I heard him screaming at me. I snickered, and walked out when the bell dinged.

Artemis was standing in the bathroom, towel around his waist and brushing his teeth." I suppose the screams that have been coming up the elevator shaft for the past hour are your fault." He said, rolling his eyes as I snickered."He deserved it." I said, looking him up and down. His skin glistened with moisture from his shower.He smirked, and walked into his room."Awww, your not getting dressed are you?" I asked "Yup." he said through the door, tehn came out. "Yay! No shirt!" I said and hugged him, making him roll his eyes."Your so weird." "You know it!" I winked, and let go, admiring him as he walked.  
"Go stare at something else!" He compleined, and grabbed his laptop again.  
"Ick boring now, bye!" I waved and ran back out of the room and down...down...down to the lobby.

"Time to explore!" I grinned, and walked out. Then I walked back in, water streaming from my soaked head," Stupid rain." I grumbled and stomped back upstairs to go to sleep since there was nothing else to do.

"Tessa...Mud girl wake up." Holly prodded me. I swatted her hand away."Frig off" I mumbled and she started shaking me."Go awaaayyyy." I whined, and huddled under my warm blankets."Get up! it has to be done now, remember?!" She said, and I bolted out of bed, clutching my sheets around me."Ah Shimata!" I swore and ran around grabbing my clothes and pulling them on. Holly snickered, and I glared. You see, our plan was this:

Infiltrate the Army ba-se thing, after going on the tour and getting all possible information on it.While Trouble and I did the aforesaid job, Artemis would be hacking into the databa-se to aquire the codes that we would need when we were to do the actual rescue. Then we somehow needed to get the spare codes that he wouldn't be able to get, also a pass card. And only the employees or the Army peoples had those. So naturally the little lab rat had to do that.

I hate being a lab rat.

So I was signed up for the army. But as an office worker. But I still had to get the same training as them in case of a raid. Ha! The irony here could choke a horse. I sprinted out into the main room, got the eye thing stuck back in, along with a microphone in my tooth that looked like a filling and was undetectable by the human sensors, and an ear piece that was also invisible to the sensors. "alright, get going." Artemis ushered me out, and I hopped into the car with Butler, who drove off.


	18. I'M A PRETTY LIGHTBULB!

"Bwahaha! I feel like James Bond!" I laughed as Butler drove, and rolled his eyes laughing. As he pulled up to the military thing, I hopped out, straightening my hat which was securing my hair against my head, and waved."Later Butler!" I called, and he waved as he pulled away.

"It's like going to a new school." I mumbled to myself, as I looked at the rest of the kids around me. Most of them had Mommy's and Daddy's in the army, and were forced to come here, some were here on their own accord, and I hope to god no one was here for my reason.

"Miss Rose?" Some chick asked, and I looked over at her." That's me." I smiled friendily(is that even a word? _It is now. _)

"Yes, our reacords show that you have already undergone the proper training. You will be starting as a tour guide for the tours, and then if promoted, guarding certain items."

My mouth dropped, and I grinned insanely.

I LOVE ARTEMIS!!! I squeed to myself. HE MADE ME NOT SIT AT A DESK ALL DAY!!!! YAY YAY YAY YA- Shit.

My mental celebration was cut short when I saw big pink and blonde in front of me, snapping her gum, and twirling her hair around her finger.

"AAAHHH!!! GOD SAVE ME!!!" I screamed silently, and nearly cried. "this is your partner, Alice." The chick said, and with a smile, gave me a piece of paper, and left.

"Sooo...Alice..." I said, looking around.  
"It's Ice." She said, giving me a dirty look.  
"fitting name..." I muttered, and stretched." Oh look at the time. my shift, bye!" I lied, and ran off, hitting the patch on my shirt. I giggled as I started to vibrate. Shield patch! lasts for up to 48 hours!

I love Foaly. I walked through the building, swiping the card through the thing.  
Ding!

Bingo!! I rule!

I snickered and ran back to the doors where the group was waiting." Hey, guess what?!" I laughed. The tourists looked at me like I was a moron." YOUR GOING ON A TOUR!!! ISN'T IT GREAT?!!!!" I screamed, acting excited. Then I burst out laughing and started to actually do my job.

"AAAGH!!! I HATE TOURISTS!!!" I screamed, flopping down on the floor of the hotel room. Holly knelt down to look me in the face as I ripped the carpet apart." Don't do that we'll have to pay for it." Artemis said, and held out his hand." Give me the card." I shoved it in his hand and stalked off to my room to complain some more.

"Bwahaha!" I laughed, skipping fown the military hallway." Okay so, this hallway thinger here, It leads to some top secret mumbo jumbo that y'all can't know about" I winked and shook my finger like I was talking to misbehaving children.A few of them laughed, and I smiled, then hopped back around to face the other direction. Then I turned back around and started walking backwards."Over here is the training facility for our peoples that work here." I pointed at the window to outside were theother kids I'd seen on the first day were running laps around an obstical course. Then walking back some more, I stopped at a large door. "And this here is the Military Museum. This is where y'all can go ta find out some stuff about past wars and junk." I smiled and skipped ahead" And here's the door, now gimme the money and scram, tips are appreciated." I joked, and the Tourists laughed, and some even actually gave me a tip! I took the money with a smile, and stuffed it in my pocket. Then I ran back to Ice, who was examining her hot pink nails boredly." Hey there Icey!" Igrinned, and stuffed the tips in our tip jar."Hey." She said, and gave me a small smile. We had actually gotten along better than I'd originally thought. She was actually kinda, cool." Jar's almost full." I said, tapping myfingers against it.  
"Shifts almost over." she smirked, nodding at the clock." Ooooh!!!We can go hooome!!!"I danced around, and Ice laughed."Quick! If we look like we're nuts we can get our buts outta here for recuperation!" I said, really wanting outta here. It was like a friggen reform school.

"You've got nuts covered already." Ice said, and I smiled like an idiot."Bwahaha! I shall escape." and with that I hung up on one of the rafters.

Pretty soon the boss came trottin along, firin mad."ROSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!!!" He screamed.  
"I'm a lightbulb!!!" I said happilly. The usually hard faced man was then dumbstruck.

_That's generally the kind of reaction you usually get _

"Why don't you go home... rest up a little, Ice can handle it." He said and I came down, landing smoothly on the counter." alright then, if you say so!" I grabbed my things and ran out, the building. Ice followed, smirking. "Where do you think your going?!!" The Boss roared." Can't work in the dark." She sniggered, and howling with laughter, we left the building together.

"So...whadda we do now?" I scratched my head, looking around. Ice shrugged."Well...I could take you to where I'm staying..." I mumbled, then immediately took it back."But my mates would never allow it." I quickly covered, and I ce gave me a suspiciouse look, but shrugged." Let's go shopping." She said, and I raised an eyebrow."er...okay?" "Great, c'mon." She said, and dragged me off.

Actually it felt like she dragged my arm off. My body was kinda feelin like it was left behind.P

about 3 hours and a couple hundred-

_Liar_

Shut up!

Hundredglares at inner self dollars later

"Wooh! I'm pooped!" I collapsed onto the couch, dropping the bags on the floor. Ice had gone home, and so had I.

"Where were you?" Kahn asked, and I glanced at the five bags I had."Just doing a little...shopping." I grinned." Didn't get much though, like one thing per store." I held up the bags, which looked pretty empty. Kahn glared, knowing what I was up to.  
"Hey I bought you something!" I said, my eyes shifting. She smirked."I don't take bribes."  
"How's begging sound to you?"

"Who's begging?" Trouble asked, walking in from his room.  
"No one. It's not like I went on a complete and total shopping spree after convincing my boss I was insane so I could blow off work." I blabbed, and Trouble rolled his eyes. I quickly grabbed my bags and threw them in the closet, slamming it shut and locking it just in time. Artemis came out of his room, his eyes dull, and his face clearly showing how worn out he was. I ran over, and smacked him upside the head.

"DOOFUS!!! DID YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHT AGAIN?!!! HAVE YOU EVEN SLEPT IN THE PAST TWO DAYS?!!!!!" I cried, and he mumbled a small"no..."  
"AGH!!!! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW IMPORTANT SLEEP IS!!! I MEAN YOUR LIKE JIMMY NEUTRON FOR GODS SAKE!" I continued.  
He opened his mouth to say something, but I interuppted him again."YOU GET YOUR ASS TO BED THIS INSTANT ARTEMIS!!!"  
"but-"  
"NOW!!!" I roared, and he inched back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. I heard the springs of the bed, then I smiled."There." I said, and after pulling my stuff out of the closet, I went into my room to stash it all in a suitcase.

"alright." I nodded and shut my cell phone. Sighing I walked to the street side and called a cab, which took me to the hotel. We were almost ready. Artemis justhad to print off the map and we would go. 9:00 sharp we'd be at the building, and in the lab by 9:15 if things went according to plan.

Then again, these things never work out that way do they?


	19. James Bond SO had it easy

LEP Retreival Squad.

"Oi, #2 quit dawdling, our comerade is still in that building." One of the fairies said quietly. # 2 looked over, his black hair hanging limply over his ice blue eyes." Yeah I'm coming." he said, and flew after the group of 10.

Inside the military building.

"Shield patch is on." I whispered, and snuck through the hallway."I'm at the door,just gotta wait for the signal..." I muttered to myself. As if they had read my mind, someone gave three sharp taps on the wall. I grinned and swiped the card, then ran through before the door shut.

"Good job." Foaly said in my ear, and I grinned, then went to the next door, pulling out the rock polish. I dropped a few little bits of it onto the door and it melted away like fudge. I snickered silently and walked on into the lab, avoiding all the traps, which Foaly disabled so it didn't really matter but whatever.

Then something hit me and I fell down"AGH!!" I hissed, clutching my sohulder. It had nailed the wall pretty hard. I looked around confused. Then I saw a slight shimmer in the air."Fairies..." I whispered, and jumped at them, tackling one to the ground. His shield failed, and I gasped.

"SETH?!!!" I screamed, not bothering to be quiet. He threw me off and I landed on my shoulder." Bastard I knew you had something to do with this!!!!" I shouted and kicked him." IMPRISONING A FAIRY!! AGH YOUR PATHETIC!!!" I shouted, kicking him repeatedly. Someone pulled me off of him, and I bit the something. "OW!" The something said, and I squirmed out of his grasp and launched at Seth.

Foaly's voice started speaking"Abort abort!!! The guards are coming get out of there!!!" He warned.

"all fairies this way the guards are coming!" I told them, but they didn't listen." No!" I called, and tried to get them to come back but they still didn't listen.

"GET YOUR ARSES BACK-"  
"I HEAR VOICES THIS WAY!!" a man's voice called.  
"Shit!" I squeaked, and hit the patch, turning it on."Com back!" I hissed, but they still didn't listen

STUBBORN FAIRIES!

"TESSA GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!" Artemis roared in my ear. Highly uncharacteristic of him. I turned and ran along the hallway, and froze when I saw the guards.

_Don't do it Rose _

I'm not listening...

_don't even THINK of doing what your thinking of doing!_

Too late.

xD not like they can see me anyways!

I pulled out some little round balls. then I smirked and threw them at the dor-I mean guards.

They hit them in the foreheads and gave off an electric charge. The guards were instantly knocked out.

"That should buy you some time." I whispered in the direction the fairies had gone, then turned and ran down the hall.

  
what?! Did you really think I'd tell you where he was staying ?? ;)

"Damn!!!!" Artemis swore, and slammed his fist on the table. Butler eyed the Irish youth. He wasn't acting like Artemis.

Artemis on the other hand, was mentally kicking his own arse for what he was doing. His genius was taking second place to that damnable Tessa! But then he slapped himself for insulting her. AGH HE WAS DOING IT AGAIN!!!!!!

"TESSA GET OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT!!!!" he suddenly roared into the microphone again. Swearing and cursing could be heard, along with Artemis's name. Across the room Kahn snickered to herself. Artemis rubbed his temples, his whole body tense with stress. This plan was a failure. It was a failure from the beginning. He hadn't thought it through. He needed to think.

Too bad there wasn't much time left for thinking.

"Commander Sool, we have a problem! Squad leader says there's someone there. He was just bitten by her. She's beating on #2!"  
"She?! IS IT SHORT?!!!" he roared angrily.  
"No sir Commander, It's a human."  
"A HUMAN?!!" Sool bellowed.  
"Wait, she's telling them to go back, she says guards are coming, should I tell them to listen to her?"  
Sool's tiny brain raced through possibilities. This would ruin the plan. Opal would have his head for it.

"No, ignore her, she is our enemy! Keep them going!"  
The sprite nodded reluctantly and went over to the communications center to give them the orders.

Sool was determined to stay on plan.

And that's just what Opal was counting on.

Opal's hideout

The little pixie clapped her hands gleefully. Everything was going according to plan. Sool was being the dependant little worm he was, Seth was leading the group to certain doom, and Opal was revealing the fairies one by one.

Her plan couldn't go wrong!!!

Or so she thought...

((Back with Tessa))

I stormed into the penthouse, eyes filled with rage."THAT BITCH!!!" I screamed, throwing down my bag. I went over to Artemis." I COULD HAVE STOPPED THEM ARTEMIS!!!! NOW THERE ARE 10 FUCKING FAIRIES IN THERE!! AND SETH'S WITH THEM!!!!!"

Artemis blinked."Who?" he asked"SETH!!! YOUR STUPID LITTLE DOPPLEGANGER!!! THE SHEEP MURDERER!!!!!!!" I bellowed, throwing my hands into the air." HE WAS PRACTICALLY LEADING THEM THERE!!! AGH!!!" I continued my furiouse rantings, but Artemis wasn't listening. His big brain was doing it's job and actually thinking things through.

Somebody give the good boy a cookie.

About 5 minutes later

"alright this time we're all going in, and we're going to get those Fairies out. We might have to do some mind wipes, but that's just a minor thing.And only if someone screws up." Artemis said, pulling out the map for the old plan.

"Holly and I will enter through here, while Mulch and Tessa go here." he said, pointing places out on the map."Butler and Kahn will go in, Foaly I need you to make false files for them. Highest level security access you can get. While Butler and Kahn are 'helping' the people in the lab, Tessa and Mulch will be under the lab. Mulch can chew through the dirt the facility is over. Quite easily." Mulch smirked and his ego grew. Holly and I rolled our eyes, and contnued to listen to Artemis." Holly and I will sneak into the lab room where the Fairies are being held,where we will meet up with Butler and Kahn. From there we will use Holly's Neutrino, which Foaly has, to carve a hole in the floor. If that doesn't work we'll use rock polish. Then we'll all get out through the tunnel Mulch dug." He looked at Mulch." You will also dig into the air vent, which is located here. Once you do that Tessa will crawl up there and get to the main security room, and wrap this around the wire. You must do this immediately, as it will erase our images from the video footage. Once you've done this, go to the museum. There's a little artifact I want you to...Borrow."

"And you thought all of this up in 5 minutes." I said.  
"Yes Tessa, I did." He said, voice void of any modesty.

Why do men have such big egos?!!!!!

"ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew" I whined to myself as I crawled behind Mulch. It was so gross!! Ahead Mulch said something but I couldn't hear due to the fact that he was eating, and his jaw was unhinged. Suddenly Mulch stopped chewing and hinged his jaw back up."There ya go mud-girl." He said, flourishing his hand at the air vent." No need to applaud, just using my dwarf talent-"   
"Yeah yeah save the gloating." i gagged. bile rising up in my mouth. I just crawled through dwarf sht. MULCH'S dwarf sht. Not a happy thought. I quickly climbed into the vent, moving and climbing like a spider.Below me Mulch tunelled off, and something wet smacked me in the bum.

"Ewwwwwwwww"I grimaced, and whined, wanting to scream but couldn't. I was on a James Bond type mission!

But James Bond never got friggen DWARF CRAP splattered on his ass now did he?!!!!!!

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So anywho, after my mental ew fit I continued climbing, until I hit a dead end."Shoot." I muttered, and looked around. I saw a small turnoff, and crawled over. It was small, yes, but your looking at the girl who managed to shove herself in one of those milk crates when she was seven and put another one on top without any slant. Not an easy task. Trust me.

I took a deep breath, and squeezed myself inside.

Being seven made things alot easier...

Okay well somehow I managed to squirm my way into the crevice.

_Oooh, big words_

GAH SHUT UP!!

I mentally slapped my mental self and coninued moving, until I popped out in a larger chamber. The first thing I did was take a HUGE breath, then crawled over to a vent looking down. I peered in and saw no one, so I opened it, and dropped inside soundlessly. Looking around I saw a box. It said CAUTION: ELECTRICAL WIRES CONCEALED.

Yeah, obviouse much??

I smirked, and pulled out the wire thing Arty gave me, and opened the box. I just chose some random wire, and wrapped it around it. Then I scooted over to the door and stuck my head out.

"all clear." I muttered to myself, and tip toed out along the hallway I knew for a fact led to the museum. I looked down at the picture he had given me.  
"Why the FUCK does he want a painting??" I asked no one in particular.

"Stupid obsession with art." I muttered, and skipped through the double doors and over to the painting.

_This is a waste of your gymnastics talents!_

Do you mind? I'm trying to steal a fricken painating here.

_stealing is wrong_

Yeah and so's picking your nose, what's your point?

_YOU PICK YOUR NOSE?!!!_

I never said I did, I said it was wrong.

_well you INDICATED that you did!!!_

Could you shut up for FIVE seconds?!!!

_I could, but I won't_

Psh, whatever I'm done anyways.

I stuffed the rolled up canvas into the container Artemis gave me, which I then stuffed in the little back bag I was carrying.

"Artemis Fowl if I get caught and thrown in jail for this I'll kill you." I muttered to myself, and pulled my body up into the air vent easily. I shut the door to the vent and began crawling again.

With Butler and Kahn

"Move out of the way!" A paniced scientist cried, running through with a beaker full of something that was bubbling. Kahn sidestepped to avoid him. She looked around, and saw some giant tubes."There they are." she hissed, her mouth njot moving, throwing her voice into Butlers ear. He nodded and walked over to the unconsiouse fairies imprisoned in the tubes."How's the project going?" he asked the head scientist who was manipulating a mechanical arm."They have some odd weapons on them, and their Dna is similar to humans, but completely different at the same time." The scientist said, amazed at his findings. Butler swiftly reached up and pressed a pressure point and the man crumpled.

"Quick! Somebody help we have a KO over here!!!" Kahn pretended to panic. The other scientists saw what had happened to their superior and started to freak. Pretty soon the four scientists that had been in there were carrying the other one down to the infirmary.

"...you know for smart people they're not very bright." Kahn snickered, and Butler smiled a bit, then they both went back to business. They both broke the tubes open, holding their breath, and letting out the gas that was keeping the fairies unconsiouse. The fairies only took a few minutes to regain consiousness, and then they were up and at em. Butler looked at the wall and saw a slight shimmering. "Artemis come on out." he sighed, and the Irish youth came into view, taking down the cam-foil. Holly shimmered into view above him." thank you for noticing Butler, My arms were getting quite tired from holding teh foil up." Artemis said, rubbing his shoulder. The vent above them cracked open, and Tessa dropped out, sneezing." I hate dust." she contemplated, and held up the canister." But I got whatcha wanted." She said proudly."good, now let's get out of here."

The fairies in the room were busy talking with Holly, all except for one. HE was sneaking towards the door. Tessa's head spunand she saw him, then made a flying leap at his retreating figure. She hit her target and they tumbled to the ground, and she smacked him on the head." Not getting away this time." she growled, and clapped her fists on his temples, knocking him out.  
"Tessa!!!" Kahn cried."That's someone we're supposed to be rescuing!" she said, and Tessa pulled off the green rubbery mask that was secured around his head, along with the pointed ears."not a chance." she said, and got off of Seth. Artemis's eye twitched slightly.

Suddenly a loud banging copuld be heard underneath them.  
"OI HURRY IT UP!!" Mulch's muffled voice said, and Holly pulled outthe blaster she had missed oh so much while she didn't have it at her side. She flicked the setting up onto high, and blasted the floor a good couple of times. Mulch yelped from under the floor, and Holly snickered, then placed it back into her holster." Sorry bout that Mulch." she grinned, and Mulch rubbed his bottom with a pained look on his face."You could have warned me." he whined. Holly just jumped through the hole followed by the 10 faires. Tessa kicked the bugger Seth inside the hole and hopped in after him, purposely dragging him through the dwarf droppings.Artemis lowered himself into the hole followed by Butler and Kahn who took the piece of metal that had been removed from the hole and covered it back up. And as Mulch went allong behind everyone he put all the...dirt back into place.

(Tessa's POV)

As I dragged Seth through the muck, I could only think of one thing.

We still had to get rid of Opal.


	20. Hysterical Madly Hysterical

"Where is she?" I asked.  
"I'll never tell you." Seth spat.  
I slapped him across the face.  
"Don't make me torture you you good for nothing Sheep murderer!" I snapped, glaring into his eyes."Now tell me where that pixie-bitch is!" I hissed.  
"Never."  
I pulled out my bat"Glad you see it that way." I raised it over my head, and it swung down.

But it never hit it's mark.

"Butler let it gooo!!!" I whined, and he rolled his eyes, then wrenched it out of my hands."No torturing him." he lectured.  
"It's no use anyways, he's mesmerized." Artemis said, examining his pupils. I scowled."I still don't see why I can't hit him. Nobody will care." I grumbled, and flopped onto my chair.

Meanstwhile, Holly bent down in front of Seth, and mesmerized him to undo the last mesmerization.

He sang like a bird...

"I still wish I coulda tortured him..." I grumbled dejectedly."So do I..." Artemis muttered, leaning against the back of my chair. I snickered in agreement.

Butler and Kahn sighed.

"She's in Haven." Holly said.  
"I coulda told you that!" I said, rolling my eyes. I was mad. Pissed off. Irritated. Touchy.

Kahn came over."Come on, let's get you out of here." She said, and pulled me out."Hey! No! wait! ack!!!" I yelped as she dragged me out.

"Oh."  
"My."  
"God."   
I gasped for air, grinning like a fool.  
"That was so...AWESOME!" I jumped onto Artemis's bare chest, hugging him.  
"I know.." He panted, flopping down onto the couch again.

Seth was tied to the cieling fan, finally, and spinning around.

"That is one strong fan." I commented.

"ARTEMIS DONT MAKE ME BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR!!!" Butler shouted through the 5 inch solid oak door.

"oh bugger off..."Artemis muttered.

"HELP ME!!" Seth screamed like a little girl.

I giggled insanely.

Butler crashed through the door.

I giggled again.

He took Seth down.

I stopped giggling.

"Meanie..." I grumbled. Artemis sighed."Well it was fun while it lasted.."He said, putting his white fancy shmancy shirt back on, then pulling the jacket of his suit over top of it. I pulled my GAP sweater on and trudged out grumbling hateful things."Your so unfair!" I whined as Butler stuck Seth back in his cell. Well, Holly's old cell but who's being technical here???

"Yes yes I'm so mean, boo hoo." Butler said, closing the door.  
"Well you are." I pouted, and stomped off to find something to do. I wasn't included in the whole YAY I'm smart, let's think of a plan! session whatever thing, so I was being sent out of everyone's hair...

I feel like a three year old.  
Well you certainly act like one  
Oh shut up I do not!  
_denial..._  
I hate you you know that?  
_Of course_

Ignoring that irritating second voice of mine I skipped up onto the roof to wait for them to finish whatever the hell they were doing.

By the way, I advise not hanging upside down from a roof. You could fall. And that's exactly what I

DIDN'T do.

ahahaha you all thought I fell didnt you? ahahahaha okay but no, I didn't fall, much to many of your dismays...and mine.

Because if I had fallen, I would've been excused from the plan because of death. But no, I didn't die, so a day later, I was walking around Haven with a LEP escort. Guess who? he's short, he's fat, and nobody likes him!

...If you hadn't guessed I'm talking about Sool.

"Escorting a mud brat I can't believe it!" He grumbled."What Opal would want with you I don't know."  
"I'm just sooo irrisistable." I batted my eyelashes at him, and he scowled.  
"Well you wouldn't have to escort me if you weren't such a lack-wit at your job and kept the little loony in her cage." I shot at him.  
"She's a genius what am I supposed to do knock her out?" He defended himself.  
"Preferrably. It would have been the best thing to do you twit." I snapped.  
"She has rights."  
"Hmm, yes rights to a HUGE lab, rights to kill people, oh what am I missing now? Oh yes, rights to expose your whole race? Wow I never knew they extended that far." I said sarcastically, and stomped up past him. He stomped back up in front of me, and I began stepping on the backs of his feet.

"Stop that!"He roared at me, and I smiled innocently."Stop what?" I batted my lashes again. His face was turning color. I smirked, and skipped back up in front of him.

"FOUND A PEANUT  
FOUND A PEANUT!  
FOUND A PEANUT LAST NIGHT!  
LAST NIGHT I FOUND A PEANUT  
FOUND A PEANUT LAST NIGHT!"  
I screamed at the top of my lungs.Sool's eye twitched, as I sang the song for the 25th time today. Just a few more minutes and he'd be INSANE! Bwahaha!

_...your just stupid you know that?_

Your just jealous because you don't have a kick ass singing voice.

_that was a singing voice? I thought a goat was dying_

shut up you mean old...thing.

_snickers_

Suddenly, I was shoved through a doorway, with a Neutrino shoved against my chin. My eyes widened."Move and I'll shoot." Sool whispered to me, and I did nothing."Walk." He said, and shoved me down a flight of stairs. It was unbelievably dark, and I couldn't see a thing. Once my eyes had adjusted however...well I still saw nothing.

Then, the room was filled with blinding light.I yelped, and covered my eyes, and the Neutrino was jammed against my back. I yelped again, and stumbled to the floor. Painfully I was wrenched back up BY MY HAIR.  
"ACK! You BITCH that HURTS!" I screamed.  
Opal sneered."Yes, that would be the point."  
I glared evilly with the almighty Hiei glare. "Oh yeah, well...you smell funny"  
Opal's eyebrow raised up, and I stuck my tongue out." LEMME GO!!!" I suddenly shrieked in her face, remembering what I was doing. She dropped me, and my head smashed against the hard floor. then, everything went dark.

again with the darkness...

_quite annoying..._

where's the li- oh...there it is...isn't it pretty...and red...

My nose wrinkled up and I forced my eyes open. This mental strain caused my head to feel like a zillion elephants were farting in it. "ooh... ow..ow..ow..ow.." I moaned, and went to hold my head in my hands.

They wouldn't move.

I looked down.

"Oh AGAIN with the table." I rolled my eyes. From across the room, Opal flashed a white smile at me."Oh, it's not a table." Confused, I took a closer look. "Looks like a table...feels like a table...sounds...well Tables don't make sounds BUT ITS A TABLE!" I shouted. She giggled.

Not good.

She pressed a button, and the hologram turned off.

Note to self: Next time she giggles, like mad. Hide in yoru closet, and never come out. Just get away. ru-

_WE GET IT!_

I was strapped to a shuttle...In a chute...

the air stunk of acid and charcoal, and I could feel the heat tanning my ass.

NOT GOOD!

With Artemis

"Holly, there's a transmission coming in..." I said, my fingers flying over the keys of her computer. Foaly was next to me, rewiring a...device, that I did npt know what to call. Holly pressed the red video button and all of our eyes widened.

"Dude!!! I can FEEEEEL my ass tanning! It;s DISTURBING!" Tessa screamed at Opal, who was in front of the screen. "Hello Fowl, Short. I'm sure you recognize the blithering idiot behind me."  
"...Did you just insult me?" Tessa asked obnoxiously.  
"yes you moron now shut up."  
I could see Tessa grinning idiotically as she annoyed the tiny pixie.  
"Now, you have two choices. Stop this shuttle and save your girlfriend, and have a transmission sent out to humans worldwide, exposing the fairy race, or stop this transmission, and save the fairy race, but, your girlfriend dies." She smirked. My eyes widened." Yes Fowl, difficult choice isn't it. Toodles." the screen cut out.

very difficult.

"W-what do we do...?" Holly asked quietly. For once, I didn't know. My mind was blank. "Tessa..." I whispered, and ran to the computer. "We have to stop that shuttle!" I said.  
"but the transmission-"  
"We have to stop that too!"  
"but-"  
"SHUT UP!" I ordered her, and she shut her mouth angrily."Don't you tell me to-"  
"Holly Short if you do not wish to be part of this shut up and stay out of my way!" I snapped, and unplugged my laptop. I had a plan, but it was going to be difficult...

Back with Tessa

"JINGLE BELLS OPAL SMELLS LALALALAlA-"  
"Stop singing that song!!!" Opal screeched.  
"Shove the tinsel up your asses, falalalala lalalala.Shiny strands come out your earses, falalalala lalalala."  
Opal's eye twitched with annoyance. I smirked.

Then she smiled, turning the computer screen to me."They've made their choice."

I stared.

**TRANSMISSION CANCELLED**

th-they...they chose...the other one...

Below me, rockets started, using the updraft from the lava to propell upwards.I was too shocked to scream, but tears came out of my eyes, from sadness, and the fact that my face was peeling back off of my skull.

"He...chose to kill me." I whispered to myself an squeezed my eyes shut, ready to die.

with artemis

'I'm ready to let her die. Not now, not ever.'

"Holly are you in position?" heasked."Yessir Artemis." She said."Mulch? Trouble?" he asked."Yep." "You bet." Their responses came. "Foaly, your absoloutly positive this will work?" he asked again. The centaur snorted over the walkie talkie."Of course!" he said. "good. Now everybody, pray to god this works." Artemis hit a switch." Go holly go!"

With Holly

Holly jamed the controls foreward, the digger breaking into the chute. She quickly ran out of the machine, and into the tunnel where Mulch was waiting. He closed the opening, and Holly ran along the tunnel, her head scraping the roof, absoloutly booking it. Mulch was right behind her, closing the tunnel as he went. They came out into the LEP main office, where Trouble was barking orders. Holly and Mulch ran past him,and He gave them a thumbs up. " Now!" Holly said through her communicator, and Artemis flicked switches in the control booth.At the same time, Foaly hit a big red button. Foaly's device switched on, and liquid nitrogen was pumped into the chute. it hit the magma, and froze it straight through. The shuttle sat on top of the icy pile, and Artemis looked anxiously at the screen.

Her skin was pale and her eyes were closed. Frost clung to her eyelashes, and she wasn't breathing."No..." he said. Everyone in the office was silent. His hand fell away from the controls."No..." he wispered."I...I killed her..."

Foaly peered closely, trying to find some mistake. He couldn't find one... "Artemis...I'm so sorry..."

Artemis turned away from the screen, fists clenched. "I am NOT giving up...she's alive..." He hissed to himself, and walked out of the room.  
"Artemis where are you going?" Holly asked.  
"To the chute!" he shouted, and took off as fast as he could go.

Opal sat at her chair and screen, laughing hysterically. They had killed their own teammate! and the LEP office was rigged to blow at anysecond. They would all die.All of them.

It was...So cold...  
Ot felt like someone had just shoved ice-sicles up my but...

My fingers twitched and I tried to force my eyes open. Didn't work.

'Where am I...' I thought.  
My second voice had no response.  
'wh...what's wrong with my body...why can't I move it?!'

I started to freak. Suddenly, up ahead I saw a line up of LOTS of people. And I mean LOTS.

"what the?"  
"Keep it moving, lotsa souls, move along" A man on a horse bustled the line up.

"DID HE JUST SAY SOULS?!!!" I screeched. 'People' all around me stared, and I spun around frantically. The man on the horse was getting nearer.  
"i'm dead! oh god I'm dead! NO WAY!" I shouted.  
"Keep it moving, stay in line, don't fall behind, don't go ahead, stay calm, don't-" He stopped when he saw me."well what do we have here?" He asked. I froze, and looked up at him."your not quite ripe just yet..' He said, and whacked me over the head with his stick." OW YOU MOTHER F-"

Everything went black before I could finish that sentence.


	21. just a lump

Okay, I am well aware that Artemis is out of character. And if I really cared he wouldn't be. But I don't care, so he is! Suck on that for a while. And I don't care if you don't want Tessa and Arty to be together and you want Holly and Trouble to switch partners with them. So there. Write your own god damn story. This is MINE. I am god. I can do whatever I damn well want to.

Thank you for listening to my rant of rage for those of you who weren't offended by said rant, thank you for reading my story, which, sadly, is almost done. About 10 more at the most. Also to Rox and Sox, your reviews always make me laugh, lol. And yes, I am babbling. Mostly as a space filler because even though this chappie is important, it's short. Pathetically short…

The magma boiled underneath the thick layer of ice/rock. It hadn't frozen all the way through. Steam pushed against the block, the magma trying to find some way out. And it did.

Holly's tunnel.

The red hot liquid ran through the hole, devouring everything in it's path.

Opal looked up from her fingernails. "What's that?" she asked. Then she caught sight of something. A hole was crumbling in her wall. And red-orange magma was spilling out.  
"WHAT?!! NO!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"

She ran to the doors, frantically trying to open them. A recording popped up on the screen. "Oh but it is Opal. Good bye." Artemis's steely voice said, and his image smirked, then disappeared from the screen.

Her screams of agony echoed through the caves. That was all that was left of Opal Koboi. She was finally gone...this time for good.

Artemis raced through the tunnels until he reached the one he wanted. He ran into the fairy terminal, causing chaos, but not caring. Tessa. She was in there. She couldn't be dead.

He ran over to the doors of the chute, and grabbed a pair of Hummingbirds that were left unattended. He started them up and dove down into the chute. The wings kicked in and slowed him down. Very gently he landed on the frozen surface and slid over to the equally frozen shuttle.

"no.." He whispered. Her hands were as cold as the ice he stood on, and her lips were slowly turning blue. His hands shook and he smashed his fists against the shuttle." NO!" he shouted, his eyes and teeth clenched shut. She shouldn't be dead! It defied everything! All of his calculations had been wrong from the start. For the first time in his life, he had been completely wrong. Tears leaked out of his blue eyes and splashed onto the shuttle's metal side.

A small sound came from Tessa. Artemis' head snapped up and he stared.

"Ow...my head..." she moaned, and sat up.

"Tessa." he breathed, and stared at me.

I was completely oblivious to him as my hands explored the top of my head. "Oh great! A lump!" I said, throwing my hands into the air. "Just MARVELOUS!" I scowled.

Artemis flung his arms around me, pulling me off of the shuttle, the metal that bound me now as brittle as crackers. I was so shocked I didn't say anything.

"you almost died…and your complaining about a lump on your head." He laughed through tears.

"er..." I said, confused. Was that really the afterlife...? I blinked. No. Couldn't be.

I full heartedly hugged Artemis back. "You did it." I whispered.  
"You saved them again."

He smiled, and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

Did you really think she was dead?

God that'd be horrible….xD ahahaha okay well anywhos I'll shut up now and let you review it if ya wanna.

Damn my grammar sucksstares at horrible grammar.


	22. Hiccups

on a sad note...I think this may be the last of the first series...sad music plays, then is bashed with a stick and replaced with happy stuff BUT I HAVE THE SECOND ONE COMING! oh and if you can't wait the month or less that it will take me to find the good copies in my roomcoughdisasterareacough read the mini-series, which will be posted soon

We all stood in front of the fairy judge.

Bound in chains.

"What the hell?!! This is just insane! We just saved your butts and your sending us to jail and wiping our memories?!!! HE should be on trial!! HE WAS HELPING KOBOI!!! HE was the one who kidnapped me!!!" I shouted, stomping my foot like a three year old having a fit. The judge gave me a look and I made a face. Sool was standing on the other side of the room, face stern. "Commander Sool has already explained what his intentions were. And there is proof of mesmerization." The judge said in her monotone voice.

"Excuse me, but I have already been through this once." Artemis rubbed his temples, sighing and scowling. The repetition was giving him a headache. "Like I explained last time, this would be taking away about 5 years of my life. It is very confusing. And there is also proof, valid proof, that I will go back to my selfish criminal ways, and attempt something well, stupid."He said. The judge banged her gavel. "Overruled! Through studies we concluded that with her to keep you in control you will not revert into that monster." She pointed at me.

"But you can't wipe Holly Trouble and Mulchs memories!" I protested. "No. They will be stripped of whatever rank they may hold, and thrown into prison."

"What are the charges?!" I roared, now completely angered.

"You are being charged with the murder of Opal Koboi, and sneaking into Haven, tampering with Fairy technology, theft of a shuttle, and assault of an officer."

At the last one, we all raised an eyebrow. Except me. I smirked, remembering that glorious moment.

flashback

"Hey Sool!" The fat buggers head shot up, and followed the sound of my voice. I sat on top of the awning, giggling. In my hand I held a flat metal plate, connected to a rod. Sool took a step outside, and I let it swing down.

BULLS EYE!!

It nailed him in the face, and he flew back, hitting the now closed door. I cackled and jumped down, booking it back to Holly's.

end flash back

Everyone turned to look at me as I started giggling." What?! He deserved it!" I muttered, tossing my head proudly. Artemis snickered to himself, and looked back up at the fairy judge. "Have we not repented for our crimes? We got rid of Opal Koboi, who was public enemy number one-" "By murder." The judge said, interrupting.

"As it says in your book, and our bible. An eye for an eye. One who killed was killed in return." Artemis quoted. I grinned. Gotta give the boy some credit for his smarts. The judge frowned at us. "yes that is true... But there are still the other charges!"

"We have legitament proof that we did nothing of the sort. We had passports!" I did a back bend and grabbed mine out of a pocket on my cargo pants. Everybody gave me weirded out looks as I stood up straight. "Fee! i'wi'ee!" The bailif took it from me, and I smirked. "this is a varifiable fairy passport..."

"And, might I add that we did not, in fact, STEAL a shuttle. That was stolen by Ms.Koboi-"

"And I was TIED to it, and almost shot into a rock face BY MOLTEN LAVA." I reminded them loudly, cutting Artemis off. He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes at him.

"And I only tampered a little." He said, looking innocent. "and you've never had a problem with it before. It was for the greater good"

"That still leaves the assault of an officer." The Judge snapped, angry that we were proving her wrong apparently.

" He started it." I muttered.

"So it was you?"

I grinned."Yes. And I won't take it back. He started it, I finished it."

The judge gave me a look. I scowled."He bothered me. He shoved that damn neutrino against my back. Wanna see the bruise?" I turned around, and got Artemis to show her the bruise. It was about the size of a toonie. "That occured after."

"oh yeah.." I laughed nervously, then started to think. What had he done that day...

Nothing.

"Well He did something I just can't remember." I snapped, huffing. "Then the only one charged shall be you. The rest of you are free to go."

My eyes widened. She was letting them go...I was staying, but Artemis was going free.

"They're alot more lenient than human judges." I smiled at him. His blue eyes stared at me, and I could see his arms shaking. I giggled and buried my head in his shoulder, hugging him best I could with my arms chained. He wrapped his newly unbound arms around me, and buried his face in my hair. Nobody moved and my shoulders started to shake. I realized that I didn't know anything. "what's my punishment?" I asked, looking up at the judge. "Your memories will be wiped, after one year in the atlantian jail."

Nevermind. Not less lenient. My jaw dropped."B-but I only hit him a little!" I spluttered. The judge blinked and looked down at her page. "Sorry, 9 months."

Not much better.

Suddenly Artemis grabbed me again, and hugged me so tight I thought for a second that I could see stars.

Artemis's POV

After hearing her sentence her eyes widened and she started to shake. 9 months was a long time, especially to someone like her. I grabbed her and pulled her towards me, hugging her as tight as I could. I didn't want to let her go. I wouldn't let her go.

(tessa's POV)

"Artemis." I coughed a bit. "I can't breathe..." I wheezed. He loosened his grip, and looked over my head at the judge. Stupid tall people...

"You can't do this." He said coldly, and truthfully, it kinda scared me.

"I'm afraid I can mud boy now let her go and she shall be escorted to the atlantian ship that will take her to her...destination."

"No. That is not what I meant. I mean, by law, you cannot hold a human in your jails." The judge blinked. "It's in this little paper you so carelessly dropped." from inside the jacket of his suit he produced a crisp white piece of paper. Handing it to her, she turned a bright crimson. "Also, if you wipe her memories, please keep in mind that I will trigger them again." The judge scowled, as did Sool." Then we shall wipe yours as we-" Sool started.

"That is where you are wrong." Artemis snapped, his blue eyes snapping with icy fire." You will not be able to correctly preform the mind wipe without Foaly's precision. And he quit on you. Now if you DO do a mind wipe you shall end up wiping valuable memories, which do not involve the fairies. I will not submit to this, and I shall find a way to get my revenge if you do." Sool balked at this speech, and Artemis continued." Now you shall release my fellows and I and we shall be on our way, rid of you for the rest of our natural lives, we can only hope." Artemis snatched the keys out of the bailif's astonished hands, uncuffed me, and dragged me out along with the others.

Reg POV

As we sat in the shiny black SUV nobody moved. Nobody spoke. It was one of those tense silences where if you make a sound, you get a dirty look. The reason for this silence, was Artemis. He was sitting completely still, legs crossed, eyes foreward, and damn did he look pissed.

I shifted in my seat, and then something horrendous happened.

I hiccuped.

Everyone stared, and I did it again. And again. And again. It wouldn't stop!

A smile crept onto Kahn's face and she started to laugh. It was infectious. Soon all four of us were laughing, and Butler was having a hard time driving.

We laughed until we reached the Manor, and got out of the car. As soon as my foot touched thr ground I leaped up into the air, laughing and whooping.

"YES! THE SURFACE! I LOVE THE SURFACE!" I did a dance, adn everyone laughed when I fell on my butt.

"The rock moved I swear." I said, hopping onto my feet. When I bent to dust of my pants I saw four pairs of feet standing beside me and stood up straigt, only to find myself looking up into the faces of the two people I REALLY didn't want to see, and the two people I didn't really mind.

Artemis's parents, and mine.

And so, the series comes to a close...cackles If you want to know what's going on, read the mini-series...now where did I put that binder damn it...


End file.
